Who's the Boss

I used to watch that TV show all the time when I was a kid.  Tony (Danza) was hired to be the housekeeper for an upscale suburban single mother and her son.  While Angela employed Tony, it was Tony who seemed to run the house, thus the question of "who's the boss?" was just that.  Like all other middle school boys, I had a huge crush on Alyssa Milano. The show was making a comment on the roles of gender and role reversal, and of course it was funny to watch the hilarious antics and crazy hi-jinx of Tony, Angela and the crew.

(warning lot's of metaphors used at random ahead)

Sometimes, I wonder who's really "running the show" in my life.  I know we've all seen the bumper sticker "God is My Co-Pilot" and then the pithy rebuttal sticker "If God is your Co-Pilot then you're in the wrong seat".  But to be honest, sometimes it feels like God isn't even on board the plane.  I know he's interested and I know he's watching, but I'm not sure if he's really flying this thing.

I mean there are times when our lives are scripted with an endless number of "divine coincidences" (providence) and it's amazing to watch how things line up in a way you never could have imagined.  Then there are times when you feel as though you simply adrift floating out to sea.

God seems to love taking backroads that keep us guessing the whole way about our destination.  He wants us to see certain things and people along the way that we never would have if we were driving and choosing the route.  But sometimes it feels like the car isn't moving at all.  We're just sitting in the middle of an intersection staring at a green light.  I really hate that feeling of helplessness.  I know God has told me specifically to "wait", that he's taking care of things, but it's hard to not wonder sometimes if he forgot.

The last 3 years, God has been speaking to me about pride and learning to trust him.  It's been difficult to hear sometimes.  It's been difficult to be patient and let him be the boss.  I know he's the boss, but it's difficult to not start planing and forcing something to happen.  I second guess him a lot...and that's pride too.  The last sermon I preached in Texas was on pride.  I haven't been asked to preach since then.  I think God wants me to think a little longer about the last things that came out of my mouth from behind a pulpit.

Pride keeps us from trusting others and even God.  We can refuse to surrender our will and refuse to trust God because of our pride.  Someone once said, "Trust is the purest form of worship".  If so then every aspect of our lives, our desires, our plans and our wills must be in submission, entrusted to God.  This is great in theory and easy to do in those times when we can readily see God working.  Not so easy when you feel like your stuck at the bus stop and your ride forgot to come pick you up (I told you lots of metaphors would be thrown in).  

Recently, my prayer in the morning has been very simple, 

"Lord be my advocate, fight for me today".   

It has helped to remind me, that there is really nothing I can do that God isn't already doing.  Not sure why I felt led to share such a personal post tonight.  Except, maybe someone else is feeling the same way, and there's a freedom in talking about such things.