m.d. mcmullin

I've Moved

2011-08-20T18:21:00.000-04:00

I've moved my blog to WordPress.

I am now at www.mdmcmullin.com.

Check it out and update your feed.

summer ... so far

2011-06-29T09:49:00.000-04:00

I have really enjoyed my summer so far. Unfortunately, blogging has not been my main priority. With the ease of twitter and tumblr, sitting down to write a blog becomes as much a discipline as a treat. But let's give it a go.

So here are some highlights from the summer so far:

1. Got a dog - miniature schnauzer named Charlie
2. Saw the Baker family at a cool restaurant in Louisville, KY
3. Watched the Lord of the Rings Trilogy
4. Rearranged my closet
5. Shaved my beard to a goatee (the beard is already back)
6. Mowed the grass ... a lot
7. Took a Greek class at the seminary (part 2 coming)
8. Planted shrubs and trees (replanted to trees)
9. Saw Kung Fu Panda 2 and Cars 2
10. Hope Michelle Bachman wins the GOP nomination (she's crazy)
11. Reread Vinson Synan's "The Holiness-Pentecostal Movement in the United States"
12. Painted the Bathroom
13. Learned that my son likes "root beard"
14. Started reading John in Greek
15. Worked on syllabi and schedules for fall classes
16. Went to Chuck E. Cheese
17. Started reading Donald Dayton's "The Theological Roots of Pentecostalism"
18. Saw Thor, X-Men and Green Lantern
19. Drank a lot of coffee
20. Hung out with my son

I'm sure I left some things out and don't mistake the numbering as a ranking of importance. I'm looking forward to what the next month brings.

discerning

2011-06-09T21:49:00.000-04:00

discerning is tricky.

i recognize so many of my own desires in my heart. which of them were created by me and which ones were put there by God? which are both?

i had someone give me a "word" a few years ago. it has haunted me. if it is true ... then everything i want, everything i feel called to do is wrong. i want to discount it. to reinterpret it and find some hidden meaning that maybe i missed. if it were someone else i would have tossed it away, but it's someone i respect deeply.

what he said was very simple. after laying out what i felt God calling me to do he said:

"i don't think you're going to do, what you think you're going to do... i'm telling you this because i don't want you to feel like a failure when it doesn't happen"

he doesn't know my situation. he means i'm not going to do it right away but he didn't say "never". maybe he's just wrong, no one is perfect. in my heart i was disappointed because I thought, "here is the man i respect as a prophet and i think he just got it wrong". but then part of me began to say, what if he's right?

well, it's been 3 years and it hasn't happened.

i still believe i'm supposed to do all that i said 3 years ago, in fact i believe it more so. and more than ever I'm asking myself, "what if he was right?" i want him to be wrong more than anyone can know. i want to prove he was wrong. i feel as though there are little signs pointing to the truth (the truth that i want). but what if i'm just prolonging the wait time until i find out what it is i'm supposed to be doing.

i'm praying for discernment. i feel like it's coming slowly like the waves. each one brings a deeper understanding. each one requiring more surrender and trust.

i'm trying to surrender and listen and trust. to see the journey not just the end.

discerning is tricky.

Huckabee

2011-05-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

Of course by now everyone knows that Mike Huckabee has announced he will not run for president. This was oddly followed by Donald Trump's weird endorsement of Huckabee's decision not to run. Of course at this point, nothing Trump does should come as a surprise.

This morning while watching the news it was interesting to hear what some of the pundits had to say about Huckabee. Most mentioned that this creates a gap for a "social conservative" and/or a "religious conservative" to run. All mentioned how nice a guy Huckabee is and agreed with his own assessment of himself when he said he was a "conservative who wasn't mad at anybody."

What caught my attention most was when one analyst said that Huckabee was:

"a Christian who was surprisingly not disgusted by poor people or the thought of helping them."

True or not, this is the perception the Church has given via our venture into politics.

being right

2011-05-14T10:19:00.000-04:00

"I will never give up so long as I know I am right."

I recently heard this quote by a religious leader (who will remain nameless). I will admit that I did not hear this quote in context, so I'm not really commenting on what he said or why he said it. But I think the quote itself lies as the heart of what is happening in the world of church and politics. I think it also speaks to what is happening in this shift between the modern and postmodern.

Sometimes being right is not the most important thing. We can all think of times when in a heated discussion that you realized "being right" might need to take a backseat to "being a friend, a spouse, a parent, etc". When my son tears off on his scooter down the driveway going too fast and predictably crashes, "being right" is not the most important thing amidst the tears and scrapes. He knows I'm right, he's heard me tell him 20 times not to go too fast. I know I'm right. But at that moment, I need to give him some space to be hurt and maybe to realize on his own, 'yeah you were right'.

We don't give people any space in the church.

Even when we know we're right, we corner people so that instead of giving them space to think and feel, we demand that they surrender and admit their wrongs. Of course I'm thinking of both political and social ideologies that have become such a central part of church culture as well as theological teachings. We don't leave anyone any room. We've become theological and political pit bulls that grab on and don't let go until you give up. Suddenly, each of us is the vanguard of doctrinal truth against the forces of darkness. Yes there are times, when I must "be right" to protect my son (from himself) even when he doesn't want me to do it. But I think we hit that panic button in the church way too quick and often.

I still have flashbacks from the Dispensational Fire and Brimstone preacher who came to speak at a youth event when I was in high school. He had all of the answers. He had figured out every code in the apocalyptic material and had come to our youth event to announce that Henry Kissinger was the anti-Christ (no I wasn't in high school during the 70's - the guy must have been working from old material). He also came to tell us that he knew when Jesus was coming back. It was . . . . wait for it . . . . wait for it . . . . TONIGHT! (insert echo effects)

The only options we were given that night, was to accept this revelation as true and run to the altar OR remain in our sin and potentially be given over to a reprobate mind. Scores of young people went running and crying to the altar as they had been convinced and were now prepared to embrace dispensationalism and call for the immediate expulsion of Henry Kissinger from the United States.

I remained in my seat.

Something had clicked in me that said, this isn't true and those aren't my only two responses to what I have heard. I made some room for myself (despite the pleading of those concerned for my soul).

This brings up the second part to this "being right". . . how do you know you're right? This is the big boogieman of post-modernity - the subjectivity of truth, i.e. is truth relative? I believe in truth. I believe that there are some things that are true no matter who says them. I also think truth gets interpreted and that we often confuse that interpretation of truth with the truth itself. It appears that the early church believed that the community should interpret truth together instead of allowing one person to be the thinker.

To say: "I will never give up so long as I know I am right," says that not only do you believe in truth, you believe your interpretation and application of that truth is right as well. "You're either for us or against us," really? Are those the only two options? Can I change my mind later? What if we, as your community, decide you were wrong?

I think we need to give each other some room. Maybe a little grace, and when I'm wrong (it's happened once or twice) . . . give me a little mercy and resist the urge pile it on. . . and I'll do the same for you.

the end

2011-05-08T21:16:00.000-04:00

the end of another semester.

i have graded the last exam for the semester and it feels nice.

the end of another chapter in my life.

this is my last week working in the records office.

the end of season.

who knows what is coming next ... ?

... the beginning.

Tongues and Punk Rock

2011-04-19T21:10:00.000-04:00

A couple of weeks ago, I attended a lecture on the Humanities and Pentecostalism. Dale Coulter (professor from Regent) shared about 12th century scholasticism and the role that the ecstatic experience played in the study of the liberal arts. It definitely qualified me for a stamp on the nerd card.

I won't attempt to summarize his entire lecture, but he was attempting to show a compatibility with the study of the liberal arts and the Pentecostal experience. Sharing how many of the academics were seeking a supernatural encounter ultimately found by people like St. Francis and Catherine of Avila. Therefore, Scholasticism and Pentecostalism should be a match made in heaven right?

Then Cheryl Johns spoke up. She mentioned how for many centuries the academic world only let "certain people" into their little circle. St. Catherine would not have been allowed to attend one of the universities teaching the liberal arts. She said something to the effect of: the ecstatic experience of tongues was not given as the end goal of liberal arts or scholasticism, it was given as a prophetic critique of our systems of scholasticism. It was given to "confound the wise".

I've been thinking about the idea of this "divine gibberish" as a "critique" against human reason and intellectual ability. Much has been written on this in theological circles. But in my own thoughts: It is like punk music. It is ketchup on a steak, tennis shoes with a tuxedo, the #16 seed making it to the Final Four. It is the cry of a people overthrowing a corrupt government, a glaring defiance in the face of the status quo and all that we think we know. It is the great oxymoron. It flies in the face of the intelligible. It shouldn't made sense, which is why it does.

Last Sunday in our church service, we had a demonstration of this "theological punk rock." During the time of prayer, someone began praying in tongues. Suddenly they were yelling in tongues. It became very loud and went on for several moments. I'm sure it was uncomfortable for some.

For me, it became beautiful.

Unable to pray that morning, or to even know where to start, the Spirit interceded on my behalf through another. It was the pronouncing of a prophetic critique against my situation. I was being defended. It wasn't through a well thought out, rehearsed prayer with clever phrasing and relevant points. It was deep calling to deep. It was raw and divine. It was the Spirit saying, I know what you're feeling, and I feel it too and we're not gonna take it (punk rock reference for those who get it). It was God stepping in front of the bullies in our lives and uttering them a stern rebuke.

I just let it wash over me. My prayer during this Lent has been "Lord be my advocate, defend me and fight for me". At times, it has been hard to hear my advocate and see my defender.

"...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words...." Romans 8:26

everything feeds

2011-04-07T22:50:00.001-04:00

I have this app that's supposed to let me blog from my phone. It goes from my iPhone app through Posterous and then feeds my Blogspot which feeds to Twitter which updates Facebook ... everything feeds something else.

Why do so many have the need to update their status, blog, etc? I don't know. Narcissism...? Maybe. A lot of people are thinking about this topic. Many will say it's about connectedness and community. We like to feel a part. We like to be fed.

People move around a lot more now than they used to and it's easier to keep up with friends across the country or world. There are people I haven't seen or spoken to in years, but I feel like I have stayed connected with them when I hear about their kids' baseball game or see their pictures from vacation. No it isn't the same as one on one contact but I think a quick blurb every day is better than a letter once a year.

I have met up with friends over coffee or lunch specifically because a FB and Twitter that I probably wouldn't have otherwise.

Do people update (feed) too much? yeah, definitely. But maybe we're all still figuring out the boundaries of this new world called the internet.

Oddity in Haiku

2011-04-04T22:50:00.001-04:00

I am at times, inspired to present interesting photos I find in haiku (this is by far my favorite). I haven't done so in some time but recently, I came across a picture that was sent to me some months ago. It demands to be shared.

I have no explanation for this photo. I notice something different each time I look at it. I do not know the story behind this photo and I invite you to share your suspicions in either haiku form or whatever seems appropriate.

mysterious tale:

a friendly get together

evening gone awry

penny for your thoughts

man of polyester blend

what is your next move?

Sacred Spaces

2011-03-30T19:33:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking about sacred spaces lately.

I love history and visiting historic places. I'm that guy that stops to read those historic markers in front of buildings or along the side of the road. I love the idea of standing in history. Being where something monumental happened.

I not only like being there, I like experiencing it. When we were in London several years, we visited Westminster Abbey. I made one of the guys on the trip with us walk up the stairs with me and touch the doors. The conversation went something like: "No no, you can't just stand there, you must touch the doors. Every King and Queen of England since William of Normandy in 1066 has walked through these doors to be coronated, you must touch them."

A couple of weeks ago i was in Memphis for a conference. We had the chance to visit Mason Temple for a service. This is the headquarters for the Church of God in Christ. It was built by Charles H. Mason in 1941. It was like walking into a time warp. Every seat and aisle was filled with history. The pulpit were Mason had preached was also the site of Martin Luther King Jr.'s famous "I've been to the mountaintop" speech given one day before his assassination. I turned to one of my friends there and said, "there's been a lot of stuff go down in this church." I just stood there and soaked it in.

It's almost as if memories have a fragrance, some indescribable quality. We may come along years later after the action is gone, but you can still almost pick up the fragrance and energy of what happened there.

Some religions have sacred places. I would make the case that all do, even the ones who don't build shrines or value "man-made" things. Pentecostals have been known to make any space sacred. We believe the presence of the Spirit can make any building or time holy. But I think even Pentecostals still recognize that some physical spaces are special. Charles H. Mason is buried at Mason Temple. A.J. Tomlinson's house in Cleveland, TN has a huge monument and flag in front of it. The birth place of the Church of God is dotted with monuments. Tens of thousands of movers and shakers showed up at Azusa St. a few years ago to mark the centennial.

Why is that? Is there something more than "nostalgia"? Are we able to sense the magnitude of the historic event that happened in that place? It might be nothing more than a mental recognition. Surely we've passed by hundreds of historic places without knowing and without batting an eye. Perhaps it's a synergy. We are able to recognize it only as we are open to it. I don't know.

I'm not sure of the why, I just wish I had gotten to touch that pulpit at Mason Temple.

wrestle with despair

2011-03-21T21:01:00.000-04:00

The country is in deep trouble.

We've forgotten that a rich life consists fundamentally of serving others,

trying to leave the world a little better than you found it.

We need the courage to question the powers that be,

the courage to be impatient with evil and patient with people,

the courage to fight for social justice.

In many instances we will be stepping out on nothing,

and just hoping to land on something.

But that's the struggle.

To live is to wrestle with despair,

yet never allow despair to have the last word.

-- Cornel West

Sermons and Seinfeld

2011-03-09T12:42:00.000-05:00

So I'm preparing to leave for Memphis, TN. I'm going to SPS this weekend (Society for Pentecostal Studies). I'm presenting a paper entitled: Sermons and Seinfeld: Paralleling the Documentary "the Comedian" with the Craft of Preaching.

There's a documentary ("Comedian") about Jerry Seinfeld writing his new material and getting back into standup after a little break. They follow him as he tries out new material and show him back stage prepping for the show. When I saw this documentary a few years ago, I couldn't help but think how similar it was to preaching. The way he preps for the performance, how he reacts when he bombs etc, are such a great parallel to learning how to preach. I also parallel standup comedy in general with preaching (no I'm not making fun).

So I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Not just because of the Seinfeld thing but because for a few days I get to take off the persona of a mild mannered office worker and fully embrace my theology nerd persona. I will get to hear some really interesting lectures (hopefully) within the realm of Pentecostal Theology.

Hopefully we can also try some good BBQ in Memphis (if you have any suggestions let me know). I may also take a gander at Sun Studios (home of the million dollar quartet - Johnny Cash, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Carl Perkins).

Poetry

2011-02-26T22:35:00.000-05:00

“Poetry is the struggle some make with language to stretch our speech, and therefore ourselves, so that we might better say ‘this is how things are.’”
- Stanley Hauerwas

I feel like the same could/should be said about efforts to worship. stretching out for a better way to say this is how we feel about God.

I also think the Spirit speaks to us in "poems".

Successfulnes vs. Fruitfulness

2011-02-20T21:18:00.000-05:00

I don't have a way to go to this conference, but if I did, I would totally be there. It's called the Epic Fail Pastor's Conference and instead of having a conference filled with incredibly gifted people who make "church success" look easy, they are inviting normal people to share their experiences and failures. Here's the blog of the guy behind it. I really would love to go.

The quotes on the front page alone have me hooked.

May all your expectations be frustrated.

May all your plans be thwarted.

May all your desires be withered into nothingness,

that you may experience the powerlessness and poverty of a child

and sing and dance in the love of God the Father, the Son and the Spirit.

--Jean Vanier

------------------

And another:

There is a great difference in successfulness and fruitfulness.

Success comes from strength, control and respectability. A successful person has the energy to create something, to keep control over it's development and to make it available in large quantities. Success brings many rewards and often fame.

Fruits, however, come from weakness and vulnerability. And fruits are unique. A child is the fruit conceived in vulnerability, community is born through shared brokenness, and intimacy is the fruit that grows through touching one another's wounds.

Let us remind one another that what brings us true joy is not successfulness but fruitfulness.

--Henri Nouwen

Who's the Boss

2011-01-30T23:58:00.000-05:00

I used to watch that TV show all the time when I was a kid. Tony (Danza) was hired to be the housekeeper for an upscale suburban single mother and her son. While Angela employed Tony, it was Tony who seemed to run the house, thus the question of "who's the boss?" was just that. Like all other middle school boys, I had a huge crush on Alyssa Milano. The show was making a comment on the roles of gender and role reversal, and of course it was funny to watch the hilarious antics and crazy hi-jinx of Tony, Angela and the crew.

(warning lot's of metaphors used at random ahead)

Sometimes, I wonder who's really "running the show" in my life. I know we've all seen the bumper sticker "God is My Co-Pilot" and then the pithy rebuttal sticker "If God is your Co-Pilot then you're in the wrong seat". But to be honest, sometimes it feels like God isn't even on board the plane. I know he's interested and I know he's watching, but I'm not sure if he's really flying this thing.

I mean there are times when our lives are scripted with an endless number of "divine coincidences" (providence) and it's amazing to watch how things line up in a way you never could have imagined. Then there are times when you feel as though you simply adrift floating out to sea.

God seems to love taking backroads that keep us guessing the whole way about our destination. He wants us to see certain things and people along the way that we never would have if we were driving and choosing the route. But sometimes it feels like the car isn't moving at all. We're just sitting in the middle of an intersection staring at a green light. I really hate that feeling of helplessness. I know God has told me specifically to "wait", that he's taking care of things, but it's hard to not wonder sometimes if he forgot.

The last 3 years, God has been speaking to me about pride and learning to trust him. It's been difficult to hear sometimes. It's been difficult to be patient and let him be the boss. I know he's the boss, but it's difficult to not start planing and forcing something to happen. I second guess him a lot...and that's pride too. The last sermon I preached in Texas was on pride. I haven't been asked to preach since then. I think God wants me to think a little longer about the last things that came out of my mouth from behind a pulpit.

Pride keeps us from trusting others and even God. We can refuse to surrender our will and refuse to trust God because of our pride. Someone once said, "Trust is the purest form of worship". If so then every aspect of our lives, our desires, our plans and our wills must be in submission, entrusted to God. This is great in theory and easy to do in those times when we can readily see God working. Not so easy when you feel like your stuck at the bus stop and your ride forgot to come pick you up (I told you lots of metaphors would be thrown in).

Recently, my prayer in the morning has been very simple,

"Lord be my advocate, fight for me today".

It has helped to remind me, that there is really nothing I can do that God isn't already doing. Not sure why I felt led to share such a personal post tonight. Except, maybe someone else is feeling the same way, and there's a freedom in talking about such things.

Onions and Mustard

2011-01-07T21:33:00.001-05:00

I was reminded today of my flight to Myrtle Beach last November.

This was during the height of the TSA, full body pat down issue. I did receive an upper torso pat down from an overly friendly TSA agent who kept calling me buddy (but that's not why I thought of it today).

I went to Myrlte Beach for the SEDUG (South East Datatel User's Group) conference. Datatel is the maker of the academic database we use at Lee and we go to talk about it and complain (but that's not why I thought of it).

Why was I reminded of my trip you ask?

Every once in a while someone crosses your path that makes quite an impression. As I boarded the flight from ATL to MYR, I came across one of these special individuals. As I entered the plane, a few rows back I spotted an older gentleman, with a long grey beard who was of considerable girth. I knew immediately without looking at any row or seat numbers that he was my seat mate. This is how it works for me. If there is another person of size on a plane, in a movie theater or in a ball park, they are seated next to me. I have accepted this lot in life as some kind of BMI kharma.

This man has not yet accepted his lot in life. He looked at me with contempt as I placed my bag in the overheard. He was seated next to the window with his legs spread more than shoulder length apart, his hands at his sides, his fists clenched. I sat next to him. He didn't move. He was very much in my seat. I didn't fight him. I just squeezed close to the arm rest on the aisle. I recognized that he was prepared to take a stand. This was principle for him.

"This ain't gonna work," he said in a grizzled southern draw. "Don't even try puttin' that seatbelt on. If I can't get mine on, I KNOW you ain't getting' yours on." I reached for the seatbelt and snapped it in place. "Hrmm," he growled.

While the other passengers arrived, we sat silent and unmoved for several minutes. His fists clinched into my side, his leg pushing me. It didn't take long before I noticed an odor. It was not a kind, friendly odor like caramel apples. Nor was it a fresh, clean odor like newly washed bedsheets.

It was an unhappy odor.

I sat for a few minutes trying to put a name to what I was smelling. It was truly a mosaic of odd smells. The best I can do is to say, it was as if someone had taken minced onions and strong mustard and strained them through a sweaty dress sock while smoking Marlboro reds. Think about that for a second and let it sink in . . . .

The odor was growing stronger by the moment, like the dark cloud surging from Mordor. I started to feel a little nausea, but I couldn't show weakness. I've never thrown up on a plane before. What would I do with the little bag after I used it? I had to stand my ground.

While the flight attendant was making her final check down the aisle, the onion man motioned to her and asked if he could sit across the aisle next to the woman where there would be more room. She said yes and he practically climbed over top of me to get there.

Yes! I moved closer to the window and settled into the enjoyment of having the whole space to myself and reveling in the small victory I had won.

Later in the flight, I heard some grumbling from across the aisle. I looked over to see the onion man and happen to lock eyes with his new seat mate. She has never met me . . . but she hates me.

I was able to gain a small victory that day . . . or did I?

The smell of onions and mustard haunt me still.

Moving Forward: Reflections on 2010

2011-01-05T19:17:00.000-05:00

2010 was, as every year, full of its own unique challenges. Looking back on it now, I see some really great things but also some tough things. Some things were better than I could have imagined, while others left much to be desired.

I was reading something from Nouwen's The Inner Voice of Love that I want to post here as a reflection on the year. And for those of you sick of me quoting Henri Nouwen . . . get over it. I sometimes feel as though things are not moving fast enough, it's good to reflect in a positive way and see what has been accomplished.

------------------------------

From the chapter:

Keep Moving Toward Full Incarnation

Do not discount what you have already accomplished. You have made important steps toward the freedom you are searching for. You have decided to completely dedicate yourself to God, make Jesus the center of your life and to be fashioned into an instrument of God's grace. Yes, you still experience your inner dividedness, your need for approval and acclaim. But you see that you have made important choices that show where you want to go.

You can look at your life as a large cone that becomes narrower the deeper you go. There are many doors in that cone that give you chances to leave the journey. But you have been closing these doors one after the other, making yourself go deeper and deeper into your center. You know that Jesus is waiting for you at the end, just as you know that he is guiding you to move in that direction. Every time you close another door--be it the door of immediate satisfaction, the door of distracting entertainment, the door of busyness, the door of guilt and worry, or the door of self-rejection--you commit yourself to go deeper into your heart and thus deeper into the heart of God.

This is a movement toward full incarnation. It leads you to become what you already are--a child of God; it lets you embody more and more the truth of your being; it makes you claim God within you. You are tempted to think that you are a nobody in the spiritual life and that your friends are far beyond you on the journey. But this is a mistake.

You must trust the depth of God's presence in you and live from there. This is the way to keep moving toward full incarnation.

Yearning for the Sea

2010-10-26T11:30:00.000-04:00

I came upon this quote and I felt a real kindredness with it. Maybe because I do love the endless immensity of the sea, but probably because I think it stands in opposition to many of the Church Strategies of the day.

“If you want to build a ship,

don't drum up people together to collect wood

and don't assign them tasks and work,

but rather teach them to yearn

for the endless immensity of the sea.”

Antoine de Saint-Exuperay

In my previous life, we used to discuss how to "assimilate" new people into the church (no we were not the Borg). We looked at visitor cards, talked about demographics, tried to figure out which pastor had the best shot at making contact with the person/family and what approach they should take to connect them with the church. We loved to "drum up people" with a special service, promoting a new series, etc. Once we had them drummed, we tried to connect them to something. Get them involved with kids ministry, or the choir, or in a Sunday School class.

This served two purposes: 1 - if we put them to work, we had them. They weren't going anywhere because they had now made a commitment. 2 - we were almost always in desprerate need of children's workers, choir members, or better numbers for our Bible studies.

Unfortunately, I think many felt trapped. Church was now an obligation and a responsibility. It was, for some, no longer something they looked forward to, but a drudgery. I remember particularly how difficult it was to get musicians and singers for the Sunday evening service. For most, at least in that context, Sunday night church was not an option for younger people (under 40). With school the next day, many wanted to spend the time with family. Only about 10-20% of the church actually came back for the service, so it was quite anti-climactic and difficult to make the sale on why we even did it.

Of course the quote above is a bit idealistic. At some point, someone does have to gather wood, and make plans and assign tasks. But I think it speaks to the motivation behind the work. Is it done out of a drudgery or is it through the energy of hope and expecation. A community that together yearns for the sea and is unified in their motivation and work. I think this is the better way. Why are we "building the ship" in the first place?

Waiting

2010-10-24T22:25:00.000-04:00

"A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us."

-- Henri Nouwen

In this sense, I think patience and hope are more closely linked than I had first thought.

Sexual Identity and the Church

2010-10-18T17:09:00.000-04:00

Of course the first thing most will think of when they hear the words "Sexual Identity and the Church" is the issue of homosexuality. This is has been the hot button issue for quite some time. While the issue of GLBT and how the Church interacts with those individuals is a part of that issue, I don't think it represents the whole or even the core of it.

The Church must deal with the larger issue of sexual identity. Christians don't like to talk about sex or gender.

I haven't done a study into the history of the Church's view on sexuality, but it does seem like there have been issues for quite some time. Here are some broad strokes over a few of those:

1 - Patriarchal societal norms from the Biblical era have continued to have sway beyond their cultural mandate. Concerning the Biblical texts that deal with gender and sexuality, we are inconsistent about what is contextual and what is "principle". It seems many are picking and choosing as it best suits their interest.

2 - Gnostic dualism that says the flesh (in this case, sex) is bad/evil is still wreaking havoc on the Church. We are caught in some masochistic game of trying to figure out how to purge the humanity/flesh from ourselves. While we don't practice flagellation any more, it does seem that many beat themselves up (and others) for "fleshly thoughts". The grandstanding has almost gotten ridiculous. You can almost just listen to the person who is the toughest on adultery or homosexuality and go ahead and wait for the scandal to show up (thou doth protest too much?)

We're trying to obtain some kind of Spiritual purity apart from a holistic view of being created in God's image (holiness without wholeness) . Even the vows of Celibacy some priests take have not been able to truly separate them from their flesh. Perhaps, because we aren't supposed to be separate. Have the ways in which we sought to deny our flesh actually created Christians who binge on pleasure?

3 - Victorian attitudes toward sexuality still prevail in the Church. Sexual conversation is always taboo even if it's concerning "legal sex" (two married heteros). I'm not suggesting that we start telling sexual jokes from the pulpit, but, the fact that there is no "appropriate" place for the conversation in most churches, is a problem. I remember as a boy that if a woman in church was pregnant, no one could say the word "pregnant". They would say she was "pg". Even the word "pregnant" was taboo. Many don't want anything that reminds or points to sex.

To carry the idea of these Victorian attitudes further, I think some men actually see women as solely sexual objects. They have a warped view of sexuality that causes them to see women in mostly one way. In this sense, women are in and of themselves, taboo or "dirty". No wonder, these people do not want women serving as a pastor or Bishop in the Church. These women are not equal to men, but reminders of a sexuality that must be fought against and removed.

In my church, the Church of God, we are unable to talk about equal gender in our community. Forget the idea having a conversation about gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered people. We are no where close to having this discussion.

It reminds me of when Jim Mora was coaching in the NFL and a reporter asked if the team had a chance at the playoffs. Watch below and when you hear word "playoff" insert the word "a conversation about homosexuality".

seasons and time

2010-10-10T18:01:00.000-04:00

Fall is my favorite time of year. When I was younger, I hated for summer to end because it meant going back to school. But even then there was an excitement to it. I love the cooler weather and the chance to wear sweatshirts and sweaters. I love the colors changing and the general feel of the season.

Fall has become a busy season now. Then again, this season of life has felt busy too.

I hear college students talk about "how busy" they are. I think how I would love to have the commitments and responsibilities of a college student. They have no idea that life does not stop or even slow down after college. It just looks different. It gets filled with meetings and get togethers and children's soccer practice and birthday parties and just stuff. It's mostly good stuff but it takes up time. That same time that went slow when you were a child now seems to be racing past me.

I've been thinking lately of ways to enjoy the present. Instead of being preoccupied with where I will be in 2 years or 5 years, I want to be here. Every Monday I wish the week away looking forward to another Friday. Maybe there's a way to enjoy Monday too. Perhaps I need to cut back on "things". Maybe less really is more.

eggs or scorpions?

2010-08-31T20:37:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking recently about the power of our words. I'm hearing about it all over the place.

I'm not in to things like "negative energy" or "name it and claim it" type ideas. I would not describe myself as "New Age" or part of the "Charismatic" Church tradition that gets into all of that In fact I kind of have an aversion to it. But I don't want to throw the baby out with the bath water. The power that a small compliment to someone can have may be immeasurable. On the flip, the damage of well placed jab may have an equal impact.

Recently, I had someone (via Facebook) question my spirituality and share some "concerns" about my faith being asleep and to suggest that perhaps I had strayed from my "ministry". I thought about these "concerns" and decided to do some honest reflection and prayer about them. I think they were wrong. I didn't respond to them; but, it's almost like they knew and I received another message from them. I wrote it off as misguided "encouragement" and moved on. Their words had served as a distraction not a help.

More recently someone (a Christian) spoke some very unkind words to and over our family. We were shocked. After the initial unbelief wore off, I perceived that this person had spoken evil over us. They weren't just being mean, something deeper was afoot. Again, this is not my typical modus operandi. Clear as day, I perceived that this person spoke from a darkness that they may not have even realized. They obviously knew little to nothing about our situation and were speaking out of some other place. They were essentially pronouncing a curse on our family.

That night Angeline and I talked about it and I shared my thoughts. I felt that we were to agree and rebuke those words and to renounce their place on our lives. (we didn't perform an exorcism but i was close :) ). What had been a stressful situation suddenly became peaceful. We began to feel sympathy and compassion where we could have felt anger and resentment. Those hurtful things have really had no hurtful impact on us since we recognized them for what they were. We will keep our distance and be discerning of our interactions with this person.

Jesus said, "Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?" (Luke 11:12).

What do we give to others? What do we give to those who expect to receive something from us (our kids, co-workers, students or friends)? I'm not suggesting that we simply speak winning lottery tickets into everyone's life. I'm saying, do you bless or curse? Do you give eggs or scorpions?

Women in Ministry

2010-08-27T11:34:00.001-04:00

There's been some time since the Church of God (where my ordination lies) held it's General Assembly and discussed the role of women in ministry and leadership. There were good things said during the discussion and some really ignorant things said.

Below is an excerpt of the former (good things said) and a link to read the whole bit. I appreciate very much Nick Park's leadership in my denomination.

I appreciate that many here see this as a biblical issue, not a cultural issue. But let’s be clear about this – our concept of an ‘ordained bishop’ who can vote in something called ‘the General Council’ is not found in Scripture. The Bible knows nothing of three distinct ranks of ministry called Exhorter, Licensed Minister and Ordained Bishop. So let’s not pretend that that the word ‘bishop’ in the New Testament means the same thing as being an Ordained Bishop in the Church of God.

Furthermore, we need to understand that we are Pentecostals. We are not just fundamentalists with speaking in tongues tacked on to our belief system. Early Pentecostals, like the early Church in the Book of Acts, did not see Scripture as a collection of proof texts, but were prepared to see Scripture fulfilled when God blessed certain practices. An example of this was seen at the Council of Jerusalem in Acts 15, where the apostles could not deny that God was at work in the salvation of the Gentiles and so interpreted Scripture accordingly.

Read the whole of his remarks from the Assembly floor here:

http://nickpark.wordpress.com/2010/08/23/my-speech-on-ordaining-female-bishops-at-the-church-of-god-2010-general-assembly/

where am i?

2010-08-16T18:27:00.000-04:00

where have i been?

without interweb access at home...that's where.

the blogging will resume shortly.

don't call it a comeback (I been here for years)

excel

2010-07-16T17:50:00.000-04:00

what does it say about me that i got jazzed about this two day seminar on MS Excel?

it was great. i want to make a spreadsheet for everything now. maybe i could make a pivot table for all of my blog entries and comments. maybe a little chart tracking visitors to the blog.

maybe i just liked being out of the office for 2 days.

unresolved

2010-07-08T21:29:00.000-04:00

i don't like unresolved

i can handle holding certain things in tension unless those certain things are now and later

i don't like unmade decisions that just toss and turn back and forth

too much time to make a decision is like deciding between a hundred different flavors of frosting to put on a cake. as you put it in the oven, you think "oh this is going to be fun and i have plenty of time to pick the perfect flavor." then you start to think of all the different combinations of flavors. you make a decision and realize it's not time for the cake to come out of the oven yet.

so you think some more and change your mind. you rethink the whole frosting process. what is it you really want out of frosting? out of the cake as a whole? will anyone else like my decision? will anyone want to share it with me? finally you come to a consensus among yourself. . . but it's not time to come out of the oven.

you try not to think of changing the frosting flavor again. . . but you can't help it, maybe you should ask someone else for advice. they reframe the entire cake/frosting question again. should you even be putting frosting on that cake? isn't chocolate the default when you cant' decide? what about sprinkles? have you thought about that?

now it's almost time to take the cake out of the oven. but it has to cool. for a bit you look upon the cake hoping for inspiration. maybe the aroma will whisper the perfect flavor of sugary topping. but nothing comes. what if the time for frosting comes and can't decide?

yeah . . . i know . . . i've got problems.

i've been trying to decide on a doctoral program for about 2 years. things keep coming up and postponing the process. or i make a decision and the program gets canceled (that's happened twice believe it or not). i really cannot discern what i think God wants me to do. he keeps throwing other things in front of me (family issues, adoption, new house) so i do them first. because those things i feel more certain about. which leaves the "unresolved" looming in the near future.

i'm praying for a clear direction. i feel like it's very close. . . i think.

Working on the new house

2010-06-28T09:25:00.000-04:00

We closed on the house Friday afternoon and spent the weekend working. We have a lot of work to do. My parents ahve come down to help and already my friend Robb and brother-in-law Pete have helped quite a bit.

I go through moments of thinking "we'll never get all of this done" to "wow this is coming along nicely."

We're pretty excited about it.

Pictures forthcoming.

Art Vandelay

2010-06-16T19:42:00.000-04:00

Watching some reruns of Seinfeld made me remember how much I love George Costanza.

a new house

2010-06-14T21:03:00.000-04:00

we are in the middle of closing on a house.

we've been back in tennessee for a little over 2 years now. i would never have thought we would be buying another house. everything just seemed to fall in place and we could see God's providence.

buying a house in cleveland, tn means a lot of things. i won't go into all of them now, except that it means we thought a lot about what this means for us now and in the future. i'm realizing that as analytical as i can be, there a lot of times when i go with my feelings. sure the money stuff all worked out for us to buy the house (a real miracle) but it just "feels" like its what we're meant to do right now.

if you would have told me in 2004 that in 6 years we would be back in cleveland buying a house, i would have said you are absolutely crazy. not only are we doing it . . . but we're happy to be doing it.

i have this weird thought sometimes that if i really, really want to do something then it won't happen, so i shouldn't get too excited about it. or that if i really want it, God may let me do it but then i'll really regret it later. i know . . . it's of dark and twisted. it's almost like a superstition i have where i'm afraid to jinx myself. but i'm aware of it and the first step is admitting you have a problem right?

there's this passage in psalms 37:4 that says if you "...delight in the Lord he will give you the desires of your heart." a lot of people read that to mean "God will give you what you want." but i think it means that God will begin to place desires in your heart. that we will begin to desire what God desires. i've really been praying that God would help me to desire the things that He desires. so that when i really, really want something, it will be okay because i know it came from Him.

this house kind of feels like that.

deep possibilities

2010-06-09T21:59:00.000-04:00

the last few weeks has been one of those seasons when the events swirling around you leave you without adequate words. they include both good and not so good moments. i tend to be mindful about what i share in public. i don't mind being transparent but sometimes i need to "hide things in my heart". sometimes you want to say something to express how happy and hopeful or overwhelmed and lost you feel but, nothing seems adequate or just too cliché.

recently someone decided to take it on themselves to question my desire for ministry and/or to suggest I had lost my passion. i was surprised how much it bothered me. i realized this person knew very little about me and was probably using my facebook statuses to give this "discerning word". but still, i began to think about it. was it true? ultimately i came to a peace about it. the Spirit works in different ways at different times. there are things stirring and things being laid to rest. there is a time to be vocal and a time to be silent. sometimes there is a rich beauty in the deepness of silence. there is a level of intimacy that comes to a relationship when silence is no longer awkward.

so i've just not had a lot to say. that doesn't mean there wasn't something that needed to be said or that there wasn't a lot to talk about.

Deep calls to deep

in the roar of your waterfalls;

all your waves and billows

have swept over me.

By day the Lord directs his love,

at night his song is with me—

a prayer to the God of my life.

(Psalm 42:7-8)

I dwell in Possibility--
A fairer House than Prose--
More numerous of Windows--
Superior--for Doors--

Of Chambers as the Cedars--
Impregnable of Eye--
And for an Everlasting Roof
The Gambrels of the Sky--

Of Visitors--the fairest--
For Occupation--This--
The spreading wide my narrow Hands
To gather Paradise--

(Emily Dickinson)

wondering and wandering

2010-05-18T19:29:00.000-04:00

i was thinking about these two words today. i suppose one could confuse the two. They are spelled similarly and some people pronounce them pretty similarly. they are quite different in meaning; yet, i think they share some things in common.

wondering: inquisitive, showing curiosity, a wish or desire to know something
wandering: meandering, moving or roaming without a specific destination

i think a lot of people are wandering out of a sense of wondering.

Self-Rejection and the Beloved

2010-05-02T17:31:00.000-04:00

Hopefully my blog has not turned into just a place to list quotes of things I read. This one is just too good to not share.

Success, popularity and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of a much larger temptation of self-rejection. We have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then success, popularity and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions . . . Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the 'Beloved'. Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence. - Henri Nouwen

institutionalized

2010-04-19T20:47:00.001-04:00

Read a great quote on a blog tonight from one my favorite movies. It was quoted in reference to the institutionalization of the church.

These walls are funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. After long enough, you get so you depend on 'em. That's "institutionalized."

Shawshank Redemption, 1994

succinct ecclesiology??

2010-04-19T19:38:00.000-04:00

So I'm trying figure out how to sum up ecclesiology (theology of the church) in 2 one hour lectures. As many of you know, I love ecclesiology. I am hoping to soon begin a PhD program in ecclesiology. I teach an Intro to Theology course to some college kids who probably don't love ecclesiology as much as I do. I am wracking my brain trying to figure out how to sum up all that I love and hate in 2 hours.

This is actually a really good exercise for me. How do I cover the basics? What is essential for them to know about a Theology of the Church? I want to talk about sacraments, and church structure, and missional vs. attractional models, and worship/liturgy, evangelism, organism vs. organization, communitas, and about how the Church should function in the world; but, I need to be succinct and make sure I get to the point. Avoid the temptation to go too deep into my pet projects.

I need to cover some basic ideas that are important for them to know as well as pose a few questions that may challenge them to think or rethink.

or maybe I can stretch it into one more lecture? :)

BookSneeze.com

2010-04-14T19:36:00.000-04:00

I've found a place that gives you free books if you write a review on your blog. There are several publishers that do this. I received my first book today. Stay tuned...

haggardly in pose

2010-04-08T20:26:00.000-04:00

Sometimes you see something that you just can't get out of your head. Maybe it's beautiful, mysterious, tragic or just defies your sense of reason. Sometimes that image, that you can't get out of your head, demands a haiku. I submit such a picture for your consideration.

portrait backgrounds

mountain, the beach, library

or strange hairy man

haggardly in pose

the model defied all odds

photogenically . . . ?

(feel free to add your own)

Psalm 109:8 and Christian Curses

2010-04-06T21:08:00.000-04:00

So I've let this cool down a bit so that I wouldn't be responding out of the wrong emotion. I'm not sure why I never noticed this before the Health Care bill passed, but apparently "Christians" have begun using Psalm 109:8 as a zinger toward President Obama. Sometimes they will quote it: "may his days be few; may another take his place". It sounds like a polite and almost spiritual way to show your disapproval while couching it in a pseudo-prayer.

Then I decided to actually look at the whole chapter especially the verses that follow it. Go ahead and take a look at it. I was absolutely shocked and embarrassed that "Christians" have been quoting this verse in reference to our president. Take a look at the following verses below:

⁸ May his days be few;
may another take his place of leadership.

⁹ May his children be fatherless
and his wife a widow.

¹⁰ May his children be wandering beggars;
may they be driven from their ruined homes.

¹¹ May a creditor seize all he has;
may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.

¹² May no one extend kindness to him
or take pity on his fatherless children.

Are you kidding me? Is this a sick joke? Are people really wishing that he be killed and his children orphaned? I'm sure most people never read the whole chapter or the following verses. They didn't realize they were wishing a curse on the man and his family. They just saw it on a bumper sticker or poster board and thought it sounded cute. I suppose this was their clever way of appearing to show their disapproval while still maintaining some form of spirituality.

I find it disgusting. I think it is completely in poor taste and a reckless use of scripture. I think people who have posted this as their Facebook Status or emailed it to their "10 closest friends" should think seriously about what they have wished (cursed) upon the Obamas and apologize (to God). It doesn't matter to me what your political affiliation might be or how "violated" as a citizen you might feel.

How has the Church gotten so caught up in this political mess? Using the Bible to make political slurs?

We are called to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us (even if you call providing health care or raising taxes "persecution"). Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.

I guess I should have waited a little longer because this still bothers me.

Lent Reflection Week 7

2010-04-04T20:48:00.000-04:00

This week I thought a lot about time and how we view it. How do we pass the time when we are waiting? I think we are always waiting for something. Even after that long awaited thing comes to pass many are drawn to look forward to the next one. The day after Thanksgiving we look for Christmas. The day after Christmas we look for the New Year. The day after our team loses in the playoffs, we look at next season. The day after the election, the pundits begin looking at the next one.

We live in a tension of past, present and future. How do we live in those tensions? Do we allow nostalgia to rob us of the present potential? Are we so focused on our present task list that we never lift our heads to see what's coming? Or do we gaze wistfully in the future trying to ignore both past and present?

I believe there is a season to do each of these. Times when it is appropriate to remember, or to be on task or to dream. Discerning those seasons might be the key.

I used to talk about crockpots and microwaves with my leadership teams in Texas. There are some ideas that need to be done instantly, we can microwave them. Get them going quickly (i.e. responding to a crisis or urgent need might be an example). Other things need some time to stew a bit, so we put them in the crockpot for just the right time (redesigning the culture of a church or group). Again, discernment to know which is the key. Some people see everything as URGENT, while others never get excited about anything.

On Friday, I went to get a haircut. I have a patience problem when it comes to getting my haircut or checking out at the grocery. I generally refuse to wait more than 5 minutes. I have left the lobby of a Great Clips or stepped out of line at Wal-mart more times than I care to admit. Friday, I walked in and the place was packed. The lady told me the wait would be over an hour!! Are you kidding me? I wouldn't wait an hour for Vidal Sassoon to cut my hair. So I left. I began driving around town looking for a place to cut my hair. I began thinking about my obsession with time and waiting. I found a place and before I walked in, I decided I was just going to wait if it was anything less than 30 minutes. The wait was just 10 minutes and I got my hair cut.

I don't know why I am so impatient and hate to wait for some things, while other things I seem to enjoy watching them development over time. Why do some things become urgent while other things get better with the wait? I have the patience of Jack Bauer at the grocery store (yelling and punching people in the throat), and then I'm in no hurry whatsoever about other things that might be way more important (getting the oil changed in the car). I've got things to do and places to see while in line at Wal-mart, yet I have no problem stopping in the middle of a Saturday afternoon to watch a 2 hour documentary on the electro-magnetism of the earth (it was pretty cool).

I think a lot about the future and how what I'm doing now will impact that. I think I hate waiting when it feels as though it is pointless (electro-magnetism and gravitational waves are not pointless). But maybe God and I are like Mr. Myagi and the Karate Kid. What I see as pointless, is actually a valuable training skill I will use very soon.

Just as Lent is preparation for Easter, so this part of the journey is preparation for the next. I hope to have the discernment to see my time as it needs to be seen.

Lent Reflection Week 6

2010-03-30T20:03:00.000-04:00

This week my reflections have been about community. About getting away from the individualistic approach we have to spirituality. We use that phrase "work out your own salvation" as an excuse to ignore others and to believe our actions only affect ourselves. It has become the mantra of an individualistic society.

I've started reading "Who's Afraid of Postmodernism?' by James K.A. Smith. He talks in the introduction about getting back to a more communal soteriology. The idea that our spirituality, even our salvation is tied to the community of God. This affirms what I've been reading in "Liturgical Theology" by Simon Chan who calls for an ecclesiology of the Church as "worshipping community". I won't go into all of that here, but I really like it.

We attended a service on Sunday in which the congregation gives time for the community to share needs/prayer requests. Usually during this time people actually move around the room to pray for others. This past Sunday the lights were lowered and the pastor asked for people to simply pray as the felt prompted to do so. Several prayed to God one by one. Some prayer sounded like deep hurt, others like compassion and concern. The thought occurred to me that this truly was the community crying to the Spirit...as deep calls to deep. It was very intimate and honest and felt very unifying.

It reminded me of these thoughts that have been floating around. We were not created to be alone.

Death Star Watermelon

2010-03-21T19:46:00.000-04:00

Use the force . . .

http://blog.makezine.com/archive/2010/03/death_star_watermelon.html

I almost feel a haiku coming on.

Lent Reflection Week 5

2010-03-21T11:40:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about the future this week. Probably too much. Sometimes dreaming and setting goals for the future can become fanciful scheming with no basis in reality. As Lauryn Hill once said "people want fantasy but what they need is reality" (MTV Unplugged No. 2.0 - 2002). I'm not advocating pragmatism over imagination. I'm just saying sometimes we can choose to live in imagination and ignore our present reality.

I was reminded this week quite a bit of the weeks prior to leaving Texas. We really had almost no idea what we were going to do when we left. We were very hopeful and excited about the future but we didn't know how it was all going to unfold. We sounded much more sure of our plans to the people at church so that they would feel better about it. The story of Abraham really made an impression on me. When God told him to go, he just packed up his stuff and left. And so we did too. Not sure where we were going but sure we had heard his voice.

Almost 2 years later, a lot has happened but I am no more sure of the future now than when I drove the U-haul truck out of Texas. This week that caused a lot of wrestling in me about the future.

Where am I going? Am I headed in the right direction? When do we get to put the tents away and know that we are home?

I mentioned this chapter in Jeremiah really speaking to me. I don't know where I'm going but I feel confident God does. You can chalk that up to hokey religious speak but I really do feel led by something other than myself. At times that feeling is comforting and at times it is scary.

I think God is trying to teach me to trust . . . to settle my impatience, to resist fantasy and trust.

"When I know where I'm going, my eyes keep me from trusting you." - Jason Upton Blinded

St. Patrick's Prayer

2010-03-17T20:42:00.003-04:00

I can't pass up St. Patrick's Day without giving a little love to my favorite missionary. Not everyone can return to help the people who took him as a slave.

Here's are two excepts from "St. Patrick's Prayer" also called his "Lorica" (or breastplate). According to the Irish Catholic Bishops’ Conference, the patron saint of Ireland composed the prayer to prepare himself to meet Loegaire, the pagan king of Ireland. It’s a good prayer for those times when we, too, have to speak truth to power.

I bind to myself today
God’s Power to guide me,
God’s Might to uphold me,
God’s Wisdom to teach me,
God’s Eye to watch over me,
God’s Ear to hear me,
God’s Word to give me speech,
God’s Hand to guide me,
God’s Way to lie before me,
God’s Shield to shelter me,
God’s Host to secure me,
Against the snares of demons,
Against the seductions of vices,
Against the lusts of nature,
Against everyone who meditates injury to me,

Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger.

you will come to understand this

2010-03-16T11:28:00.000-04:00

Yesterday, I came across a blog entry from Mark Batterson and it prompted me to begin reading Jeremiah 30.

It really began to speak to me and I think I'm going to meditate on it a while. The chapter is filled with so much. what really captured me first was the ending. It ends with the phrase, "in coming days you will come to understand this". Some translations say "in later days" or "later on this will make sense".

I'm definitely in a season where I'm walking a path with some fog ahead. I think I know where the path is going but sometimes I'm not too sure. Some things seem to be happening that I don't understand. I took instant comfort with this statement from the Lord, "...you will come to understand this."

Lent Reflection Week 4

2010-03-13T10:11:00.000-05:00

This week my reflections turned to dualism. The following are my ramblings.

We have this idea that there are two worlds: the spiritual and the secular. This separates God's creation into good creation and evil creation. But God said that it was all good. Things and people become evil or "bad" as a result of sin.

We often draw lines between what is good or bad, spiritual or physical, supernatural or natural, godly or secular. This idea seems to enter the Church with the Gnostics who saw the physical universe as evil because it was created by the evil God of the Old Testament. Only the spiritual things were eternal and good. Their own bodies (flesh) were seen as evil things that must be beat into submission waiting for the day when they would shed them. The Gnostics saw some of us as spiritual beings (pneumatikoi) who would transcend this evil physical world.

Christians have taken these Gnostic teachings into our own faith. We separate our individual selves selves into good and bad, spiritual and flesh. Paul did speak of the unredeemed as individuals who were warring against themselves. Jesus said we could not serve two masters. But salvation brings a unity to self. The multiple areas of our life become one. Old things are passed away, behold all things are new. Salvation is wholistic. God saves the whole being not just the "good parts." We do not shed our bodies or even shed the eartha when the "end" comes. When his kingdom comes, we (our bodies, minds, emotions, spirit) and the whole earth will be made new.

I'm not suggesting there is no evil. There most certainly is. But created things are not inherently evil. i.e. a baseball bat is neither good nor evil. It's what you do with it that makes it so. If you hit a homerun to win the game. . . it's good (except to the opposing team). If you use it to smash out some car windows and kill a dog . . . it's evil. TV, music, art and the internet are not good or bad in themselves. It is what we do with them that make them helpful or hurtful.

Do I create categories in my life where I separate the spiritual from the carnal? As much as I think I have taken off the dualism of modern epistemology, do I still see God's world as natural vs. supernatural? Do I still separate my heart from mind from my body? Is sanctification the process by which God unites the different parts of lives just as he is united in the trinity?

I know . . . it's deep. Just where my mind went this week. Ultimately, I think it is not so much knowing ourselves, but being known by Him. Intentionally extending one's whole self into God and more importantly allowing Him to extend to us. Allowing the deep things of God to call to the deep things in ourselves.

Lent Reflection Week 3

2010-03-13T09:43:00.000-05:00

As mentioned in a previous post, I was Minneapolis during week 3 of Lent and so my post is delayed. The reflections that week dealt with listening and hearing.

I don't think the Church listens or hears her children.

Church leaders seem to be more concerned with hearing what marketers and business consultants have to say. I think in many ways, the Church has orphaned a generation. This might be related to the Baby Boomers being so consumed with amassing wealth and respectability. . . maybe not. Unfortunately, many of the Church's orphans are simply repeating behavior they learned instead of learning to be spiritual parents and mentors.

As a personal reflection, I want to listen to what my children say and not feel as though I must "fix" their problems as much as just listen and recognize them.

Unhindered Dialogue

2010-03-10T20:11:00.000-05:00

Behind all this is the conviction that, humanly speaking, truth is to be found in unhindered dialogue. Fellowship and freedom are the human components for knowledge of the truth, the truth of God. And the fellowship I mean here is the fellowship of mutual participation and unifying sympathy.

-Jurgen Moltmann The Trinity and the Kingdom of God

SPS in Minneapolis

2010-03-09T19:47:00.001-05:00

Just got back from the Society for Pentecostal Studies Meeting in Minneapolis, MN. It was a really great time. I heard a lot of interesting papers and discussion. I particularly enjoyed sessions by Rickie Moore, Terry LeBlanc and Tony Jones. I was totally in my theology nerd element.

Rickie Moore talked about what we have left for our children and grandchildren. It was both very encouraging and humbling to think about the legacy we leave or don't leave. It challenged the group to the area of mentoring and "parenting" others despite our own feelings of inadequacy. This coincides with my reflection for Lent week 3: listen and hear.

Terry LeBlanc is a Pentecostal Native American (Mi’kmaq /Acadian). He focused on expanding our pneumatology to include creation. Pentecostals are good at listening to the Spirit. What does it mean to listen to the earth? Does the creation have something to teach us about God? Some looked a little worried he might be venturing into pantheism but I think he was simply challenging us to challenge our western world view and see the unity of creation.

Tony Jones was there to address what Pentecostals and Emergents have to learn from each other. You can see his presentation and comments on his blog. There was some controversy surrounding his presence as he has been vocal about his support for homosexual marriage etc. The more "Evangelical" spectrum of SPS had a hard time with him being there. The more moderate among us were very interested to hear what he had to say.

I presented a paper on the sacred nature of the Church fellowship meal. It went well and the discussion was quite affirming. I'm very much a novice at these kinds of things but I really enjoyed being a part of the process.

It was a great weekend. I enjoyed seeing a little of Minneapolis (pictured is the statue of Mary Tyler Moore throwing her hat into the air) and I added Minnesota to my map of States I've Been to.

Lent Reflection Week 2

2010-02-27T06:43:00.000-05:00

My reflections during this second week of Lent were a little different. Not so focused on me as an individual. Three things I heard and read this week seemed to really work together as it related to those outside the church.

1. Jesus sided with sinners.

I was listening to a sermon by a Canadian named Charles Price. He's pretty old school as far sermon delivery (he even included some background to the text in the form of textual criticism), but had some good points to make. He was speaking about John 8, the woman caught in adultery. Of course the religious leaders of the day have caught her and they hope to catch Jesus in a trap by making him either condone adultery or issue a death sentence. he of course does neither and places the weight on their shoulders. Price makes an interesting comment, Jesus often sided with sinners. There are times when he is counted among them and was often accused of being a drunk and a glutton because of how he associated with them.

I don't think the Church (the body of Christ) sides with sinners anymore. However you define what a sin is, it seems clear that more often than not, the Church sees people who do wrong as our enemy. To use Jesus method, who among has done nothing wrong? Who in the Church has committed no sin?

2. We've removed God from the world.

I'm rereading The Shaping of Things to Come by Michael Frost and Alan Hirsch. I think this book is THE book on the subject of the western church in a post-Christian culture. There's a section where it advocates "incarnational mission" (i.e. allowing Christ to be in the world). They talk about how we often relegate God to the sanctuary for worship but ask him to take a back seat when we enter the "mission field". We only want the "experts" who have been "trained" in evangelism to do that. The World is only allowed to access God once it has gone through the Church first. We have selfishly "cornered the market" on now charge admission to God.

This may pose the question, does this mean people can encounter the divine outside of the Church? Without the help of an "expert"? That sounds so "uncontrolled". How can we know they are encountering God and not hooking up with some cult or new age thingy? The answer of course is, maybe we should trust God on this one. Recognize that He is in the world and moving in people who do not have memberships to our club.

3. Just because they don't believe in God, doesn't mean they don't have a soul.

I'm also reading Jim & Casper Go to Church. My friend Bryan saw the book and thought I'd like it so he hooked me up. It's about a Christian and an Atheist who visit a bunch of churches and then talk about their experience. It's pretty interesting. Jim, the Christian, gets a little soapboxy and a bit critical on the churches he visits, but I appreciate that he is honest and not being defensive with his atheist friend. That's kind of the point of the book (so far) is that we shouldn't be so defensive. The Church is a mess and some well crafted, clever remark to an atheist on our part isn't going to fix it or make it go away. It just makes look like we're hiding something...which I guess we are.

He talks about this when they tell the experience about a pastor who meets Casper (the Atheist, not the ghost) and assumed he knew what he thought. Without asking or listening to what he was saying, he figured he knew what all Atheists thought and why. As one can imagine, this comes across quite condescending as opposed to simply asking someone what they think and then listening. This pastor makes some comments during his sermon that actually move Casper. Unfortunately, he kind ruins it by explaining it too much. He oversold it and came across condescending again. "in case you didn't get this the reason that was good was because...." Jim makes the comment that just because an atheist may not believe in God doesnt' mean God didn't create him/her with a soul., with feelings Again, maybe we should trust God and let him reveal Himself to people instead of explaining so much.

I think we might be surprised to see how much God is able to do without us. We make a lot of assumptions about where people stand with God. Maybe we should consider where God stands with people. It seems he sides with sinners more than he may the "religious". Just because we don't recognize him outside of our church doesn't mean he isn't there.

the aquarium with friends

2010-02-20T18:03:00.000-05:00

Today we spent the day in downtown Chattanooga with our friends the Maynards. Got some lunch at the Mellow Mushroom (pizza) and then went to the Tennessee Aquarium. Sam actually spent the night at the Maynards' house last night. He of course had a ball and was of course exhausted this morning.

Dwayne Maynard and I have known each other since the early days of college (Fall '92). We've been good friends ever since. We could write a book about all the crazy stuff we've done together. His son Hayden (aka HayMay) and Sam are just months apart. It's pretty cool to see our sons become friends too. When they get a little older perhaps we will share some stories about tthe hings their dads did together. And some things we will wait until they get a lot older.

The Maynards are definitely the kind of friends that feel like family.

(Pictured: Sam, Kiersten and Hayden at the Tennessee River downtown Chattanooga)

Lent Reflection Week 1

2010-02-20T00:03:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to be more intentional this year during Lent. Nothing major, but I thought I might post some reflections each week during Lent.

We want a lot of things. Some things we think we need, others we're pretty honest about and we realize that we just want them. Not all of those things are bad. But what God wants, is for us to want him more. More than all of those other things. How much do you really want or need God?

Jesus tells us in Matthew that the "meek will inherit the earth". Most of us can't wait long enough to inherit anything. We want it now, let alone be meek about it. I heard a definition of meekness once that said it is: quiet strength and patient humility.

I suppose I'm thinking a lot this week about desire and how aggressive we can sometimes be to have what we want.

I'm reflecting this week on wanting God more than . . . .

Snow Days and Liberalism

2010-02-17T21:38:00.002-05:00

Cleveland, Tennessee has seen record snow this year. Not that we have snow on the ground, but a record number of days we have seen some snow in some form coming from the sky. We did have about 2-3 inches of snow that lasted for a few days. It was awesome. The city descended into complete chaos. The grocery stores probably sold more milk and bread in two days than can be consumed by our county in a year.

With the snow comes...snow days. Not for Lee University where I work. During the armageddon of snow we got to leave early at 3:30. But the children at the city and county schools have enjoyed several days off. It's getting kind of silly. Basically, if the weather person even thinks about the word snow, some counties go ahead and close school If the weather person actually says the word snow, they go ahead and close for 2 or 3 days. Everyone is afraid someone's going to get into a wreck.

We were talking about in the office one day. The legend goes that a long time ago, Cleveland got some snow. The school officials did not call off school and some parent had an accident on the way to school which ended up killing the child. From that day forward some type of community vow was taken to never risk the life of a child over snow again. (I think there was a Frank Peretti book written about it.)

Naively I asked, "why is it the school system's fault that this unfortunate accident happened? I mean if the roads looked so bad, why didn't the parent just say, 'it's not safe on the roads and we're going to stay home today' or 'I don't feel comfortable driving in that' ?"

It was explained to me that it was the city/county's responsibility to decide when the roads are safe. People are stupid and can't be trusted to make that call on their own. They need to be protected because they don't know better. And then it dawned on me. Our small seemingly conservative town nestled in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains was actually a bastion of liberalism. These same FoxNews patriots who start screaming SOCIALIST! at the first sign of any government intervention were now asking the government to step in and make basic decisions for them about when they should drive.

Ok...it wasn't really liberalism, just rich irony. Apparently, people don't need the government to help them with anything but terrorists, illegal aliens and potentially icy roads.

Health care? Leave us alone we don't need it.
Unemployment? Only lazy people aren't working.
Child Hunger? If their parents weren't so lazy they could eat.
Potentially slick road? PLEASE HELP US - WE CAN'T DECIDE...SHOULD WE DRIVE OR NOT??!!

I'm just having some fun. Don't get all FoxNews on me. ;)

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Casseroles, Fried Chicken and Theology

2010-02-15T18:34:00.000-05:00

So I just finished a writing project on the sacramental nature of the church supper. I will be presenting it at the Society for Pentecostal Studies in Minneapolis next month. I'm pretty excited about it. It may sound silly to look for the theological significance of macaroni & cheese and banana pudding but I'm attempting to do it.

As many know, I'm really interested in ecclesiology (theology of the church), sacramental theology, liturgy/ritual etc. This paper is kind of an entry point into what my doctoral research might be about - the sacrament of community.

I won't recount the entire paper here, I'm basically saying that whenever the local church is involved in authentic community (as sometimes occurs during these church potluck dinners) that it is a sacred sign pointing to God's Kingdom and symbol of the relationships he desires. Not every church experiences this real community (communitas) but sometimes they do and sometimes in the most ordinary settings. Perhaps it is in the mundane where God is the most active.

Hopefully, the presentation will go well and maybe I'll get some ideas for where the research should go.

I've also started working on a writing project about the Fireworks Stand. Stay tuned....

spiritual insecurity

2010-01-31T20:54:00.001-05:00

"Now anxiety is the mark of spiritual insecurity. It is the fruit of unanswered questions. But questions cannot go unanswered unless they first be asked. And there is a far worse anxiety, a far worse insecurity, which comes from being afraid to ask the right questions. One of the moral diseases we communicate to one another in society comes from huddling together in the pale light of an insufficient answer to a question we are afraid to ask."

--Thomas Merton No Man Is An Island

I love the line "...huddling together in the pale light of an insufficient answer...." So often we find comfort and security in those who seem to have all of the answers or at least seem confident in a weak answer. We recognize that the answer they gave us was pretty lame, but we're afraid to press the question deeper. Afraid of what the real answer is and afraid of looking bad in front of others. We feel that maybe it is insecure or spiritually immature of us to ask questions everyone else seems fine avoiding.

I agree with Merton, the insecurity seems to rest on those who are afraid to ask. I think it takes divine strength and confidence to ask a question that may open a door to a world you had not prepared to enter. Asking certain questions may pull back the curtain to reveal something unexpected or unwanted. Once something is revealed, one cannot go back. Church folk prefer to "stay the course" and stick with what they know, especially those who are comfortable in this world. But perhaps we are called to explore and wander a bit. To "pack a suitcase for a place that none of us has been" (thanks Bono).

"You have not because you ask not...." (James 4.2-3). Jesus said it this way, '...ask and it will be given, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened unto you..." (Matt 7.7-11). We mostly interpret this to mean things and opportunities for "success" (expensive things if you watch TBN). But what if Jesus meant answers and ultimately spiritual confidence? I know having answers doesn't sound as cool as having a new car. But perhaps a deeper relationship and clearer understanding of God's Kingdom is to be preferred in the long run.

We don't have the answers because we are afraid to ask the questions. We would prefer to stay in the pale light huddled with others who fear the truth. I think we may find something far better than what we know if we could just muster the courage to ask.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

I'm Old

2010-01-21T20:27:00.001-05:00

So it's taken me a year and a half of working at a college to realize that I'm old. I'm 36. I don't feel old. I still think I'm cool. I haven't checked out on life. I don't wear sweat pants in public (Seinfeld reference). I keep up with movies, tv and music. But I'm beginning to accept that, while I'm not signing up for an AARP card nor am I using a senior discount at Hardees, I'm getting older.

For your consideration:

1 - I have no idea why guys want to wear "skinny jeans". I have yet to develop an appreciation for this fashion statement. I don't mind the messy bed head, the faux hawk, the ironic t-shirts or hats. I'm ok with a pinstripe jacket, flannel shirt, jeans and chuck taylors. In fact I kind of like it. But "skinny jeans" kind of creep me out. I suppose it came out of the emo scene and I guess that's cool. I just don't get it.

2 - College kids think I'm old. The student workers in my office were born my senior year of high school/first year of college. I graduated from college 15 years ago! When students learn my age they look a little sad for me. The same look you give someone when they tell you they have a terminal disease and 3 months to live. I think one girl almost cried. I still feel like college wasn't that long ago.

3 - Here's the big one, I'm in bed by 9:30 - 10 o'clock. I'm not asleep by then, but we are in the bed watching TV preparing for sleep. I'm a sponsor for one of the clubs at Lee. They start their meetings at 9pm. Are you kidding me? As I'm winding down, these guys are just getting started. This past Tuesday they had voting. We started at 9pm and finished at 1:30am. That's right A.M. The next day I felt like I had not slept in a year. I used to pull all nighters. No big deal. No longer.

I now that someone will read this who really is old (like 40 something). And that person will read this and think it's cute and tell me I have no idea what awaits me. You're right. I know I'm not as old you. I know it's only going to get worse. My only hope is that "skinny jeans" will be a fad and I will not have to wear them in 10 years to avoid a mid-life crisis.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Morpheus

2010-01-17T20:40:00.001-05:00

“You are here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain but you feel it. You felt it your entire life. There is something wrong with the world but you don’t know what it is. But its there like a splinter in your mind.”
–Morpheus

i still love the first matrix (i like the other two). the first movie captured so much of what i was thinking and feeling about the church at that time (still does i suppose). sometimes i feel like my calling to the church may be to act as a morpheus. revealing the truth to those who are ready for it and attempting to rescue them from the lie. morpheus was a missionary. sent to rescue those aware of the lie. while in the matrix, he didn't belong. many of those who had been 'unplugged' were uncomfortable going back in. they didn't fit anymore. they were exiles.

a lot of new churches have sprung up in recent years. many claim their purpose is to reach out to those who don't do church. but i get the feeling many of them enjoy doing ministry in the matrix. i'm not sure how many of them have really 'unplugged'. it seems as though so much of the commercialism and marketing of the matrix still play a large role in these new churches.

to be honest, i'm not really sure what a morpheus church would look like...but i'll know it when i see it. i think it will feel like home.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Firsts

2010-01-14T20:49:00.002-05:00

Thinking about two firsts tonight.

Today I taught my first Theology class. We really just went over the syllabus and introduced ourselves but it was the first official class. I'm pretty excited about it. I love teaching. I loved teaching at the Christian High School several years ago and I loved teaching at the church in Texas. It was by far my favorite thing to do. I have thoroughly enjoyed writing the syllabus and scheduling the lectures, assignments and readings. I took joy in entering the first attendance role tonight. I know I'm weird but there's just something about something you really love.

We left Texas so I could pursue teaching and so Angeline could work at Lee again. Little did I know we would be in Cleveland for over a year before I actually got to do an Intro to Theology class. I'm hoping it's the first of many.

The other first is Samuel. Tomorrow (Jan. 15) is his birthday. I can't believe he will be 6. We are in the midst of adopting a little girl from the Philippines, but Samuel will always be my first child (chronologically not in ranking). He initiated us into parenthood. I've been thinking tonight about when he was born. I remember going to bed on January 14th and thinking it was the last night of pre-parenthood. That every night after that I would always be a father for the rest of my life. Six years has gone by so quickly. He is such a part of our lives now that I can't imagine life without him. I'm very proud of him.

Hopefully I can hold on to these happy feelings when we take him to Chuck E. Cheese on Saturday . . . we'll see.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

2009 in one word

2009-12-31T21:53:00.002-05:00

How would you define 2009 in one word?
Much of this felt pretty accurate to me.
(here's the NPR article it came from)
I'm definitely looking forward to 2010.  I am hopeful as to all that it will hold.
Peace and Hope to all.

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

M.I.A.

2009-12-13T17:05:00.000-05:00

I know. . . I have no idea where I've been. Distracted, I suppose.

Been doing some writing of another nature (an article for a conference and another project I'm working on).

I will post soon. . . if anyone's still listening.

Being Right and Being Nice

2009-11-25T15:48:00.002-05:00

Shane Claiborne (via Adam Macchi)

"...the fruits of the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace, patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the ugly things that have come to characterize religion, or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have learned from liberals and conservatives, it's that you can have great answers and still be mean... and that just as important as being right is being nice.)"

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Trust

2009-11-23T17:38:00.001-05:00

Been thinking about trust lately. I find myself in a new season. It's so new, I don't even know what to call it or how I should feel about it.

Here are some random thoughts:

Do I really trust God ?

Is the presence of worry and/or fear in my life, a sign that my trust is not genuine?

"When I know where I'm going, my eyes keep me from trusting you" (Jason Upton - Blinded)

How long will I trust before I give in to my addiction of scheming?

Is the future my idol? (do i fear/worship it?)

"The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit." John 3:8

Trust may be the purest form of worship. It is the opposite of fear.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

i love the ocean

2009-11-19T19:23:00.001-05:00

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how hard DO you work?

2009-11-12T21:09:00.003-05:00

Of course the big question everyone seems to have an opinion about is the healthcare debate.

Some people love our healthcare system, wouldn't change a thing. it's just perfect. (these people more than likely work for an insurance or pharmaceutical company)

Most seem to agree that we have a high level of health care in America, it's not perfect but we have many of the best doctors and scientists in the world practice and research here. Most would also agree the bureacracy of insurance companies is ridiculous and it's become way too expensive to afford healthcare outside of an employer-based benefit.

Where we seem to disagree is in just WHO should have healthcare. Some think everyone should have access to it (i.e. education, electricity, etc). Others think that only those who can pay for it, should have it. Is healthcare a product to be consumed or a service to be provided?

Last night I was talking with my Dad about his family. He had an older sister who passed away before he was born when she was only a year old. This was during the depression of the 30's and they lived in eastern Kentucky where there was obviously no health care system. She died from diarrhea. They had no access to a doctor or hospital who could help this dehydrated little girl. That is almost unfathomable in 2009 to think a child in America would die from that so I guess we have progressed some.

Some might say, "not my problem" or "if her parents had worked harder they could have gone to a doctor" or "why should I have to pay for this little girl?" This is the point in the discussion where this person begins to rant about abuse of the welfare system and how "those people" (whoever "they" are) are just lazy and want to take advantage of the system. Again, I think most would agree there is some serious abuse in our welfare system. The rant then usually includes some form of the rhetorical question: "Do you know how HARD I work? Why does the government get to take that away and give it to someone who doesn't work?"

At this point, I usually want to ask, "how hard DO you work?" Like an old standup audience waiting to hear the punchline. "I work SO hard ....(rim shot)"

What has really bothered me is the way Christians argue about this issue. I think Chrisitans start with atleast 2 presuppositions in this discussion that basically revolve around possession.

1 - Some presuppose that all that they have worked for belongs to them. They have worked hard, they have earned it, they get to decide what to do with it. They do business the old fashioned way...they EARN it. This is logical and makes sense. No free lunches. Everything has a price. No pain no gain. (insert your own quip here). When the Sermon on the Mount is mentioned, these folks quote Proverbs or some Levitical rule. (They sometimes also confuse scripture with talk radio.)

2 - Others presuppose that they deserve nothing. All that they do "have" really belongs to God. Without him they would have absolutely nothing. They are recipients of grace and receive what they have with the realization that God gets to decide where it goes. If you want more, give it away. If you want to gain, you must lose. If you want to live, you must die. The parable of the workers fits them (Matthew 20:1-16).

I think the people in group #1 have missed it. I am guilty as all Americans are of consumerism and selfishness, but I can still believe that part of our very existence on this earth, is to follow Christ's example to care for those that nobody else cares about. I don't know what that means in terms of national budgets and tax cuts and employer incentives. I don't know if that is accomplished through socialized medicine or strict reform on health insurance companies. I just know the Church used to be the people who started hospitals and schools and orphanages and you name it. If nobody else wants you or will help you, the Church is supposed to embrace you. Somewhere along the way, we got out of that business. Maybe someone realized you can't make any money taking care of "those people".

I don't have any answers to the debate. But I think if the Church took care of people, the government wouldn't have to.

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

Michael Jackson: This Is It

2009-11-03T18:09:00.001-05:00

This weekend I went to Nashville to hang with my friend Jeff. Our primary purpose was to see the Titans game (they won). Saturday night before the game we went to see the Michael Jackson Movie This Is It. (Who better to see on Halloween than Michael Jackson?)

I'll admit that I like Michael Jackson. Not the freaky plastic surgery victim who hangs his children over the balcony railing. The Michael Jackson who is an artist and the King of Pop.

I really enjoyed the movie. It showed via documentary style the 4 months of rehearsal leading up to the concerts he had planned in London. It showed the eccentric MJ who was a perfectionist when it came to musical arrangement and choreography. It also showed how everyone around him catered to his every whim. Everyone treated him as a super-celebrity and I think he liked it. He was definitely an odd sort of man. It was amazing to see a 50 yr old man dance like him. I suppose this contributed to the medication he was on.

It is sad that he is gone. I had to wonder watching the movie, if this was Michael turning the page. Attempting to re-enter pop culture, in his own weird way.

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

Pet Peeves: Forks/Teeth, Pantyhose/Sandals, Pastoral #FB Status

2009-10-19T19:29:00.001-04:00

I have more than 3, but tonight I want to explore 3 pet peeves that I have.

1 - Forks on teeth - I absolutely HATE the sound of forks being scraped on teeth. It sends chills through my entire body. A particularly long grind on the ole metal fork can make me fall to the floor in a fetal position. Just thinking about it gives me chills. It's not just on MY teeth, but the teeth of anyone near me. The last time I went to the dentist they had a new instrument which they said replaced their toothbrush. It was basically a piece of metal that vibrated really fast. After 10-15 minutes of the dental hygiene equivalent of waterboarding, I was prepared to tell every secret I knew or thought I knew. I think at one point during the torture I may have shared Osama Bin Ladin's current location.

2 - Pantyhose with open toed shoes - really grosses me out. I assume this is not part of appropriate women's fashion, but even if it is, it just looks gross to me. I mean seriously? If it's cold enough outside to warrant the nylons, then perhaps it also warrants shoes that cover the whole foot. Pantyhose and sandals defy any logic in my mind. This is from the guy who has no problem when old men where dress socks with shorts or when people where socks with sandals. I can give a little there. Old men are exempt from any societal fashion norms, and white socks with sandals could be explaned as "European". Pantyhose in general are fine. Maybe you want the "control" that panthose offer, they make things for that tht don't have to be seen. No one (except Jessica Alba) should be wearing nude color stockings with open toed shoes.

3 - Pastors who use their FaceBook status (and/or Twitter) to talk about how "excited" they are about their next event/service - annoys me. FB and Twitter statuses can be cheesy enough without pastors thinking it's a way to drum up excitement about church. "I'm really jazzed about service tomorrow at ________ Community Church located at 1000 Jim Bob Hwy" or "can't wait to see what God does tomorrow at the 8am or 10:30 am service at _________ Church of My God". Some at least try to be subtle about it like it's not shameless promotion.

I don't think a lot of people who are riding the fence about coming to your church/event are going to be swayed by your FaceBook status. I could be wrong but I think we have 1 of 2 things at play here: 1) they're trying to psych themselves up about going to church or at least trying to put on the good face; 2) they've hit desperation stage of trying to increase their numbers and they figure shameless promotion can't hurt. Have we gotten to the place where we really think a 140 characters or less promo is going to turn things around for your church?

We just beg people to come to church. Why? Seriously . . . why do we BEG people to come to church on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, or Wednesday evenings? I'll just leave that question out there for you to answer honestly amongst yourselves.

"Well maybe the FB status just reminds people so they don't forget?" you say. Do they have to be reminded when American Idol comes on? Do they forget when it's payday? I don't buy it.

I will now publish this post, which will update my Twitter and Facebook status to promote how excited I am about my newest blog entry!

;)

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

Flip Burger in ATL and @RichardBlais

2009-10-12T19:56:00.001-04:00

My flip burger w/ Nutella & Toasted Marshmallow milkshake

After the u2 concert last week we stopped by Flip Burger Boutique. We knew about it because of Richard Blais who was a contestant on Top Chef. We love Top chef and he is basicallly my favorite contestant from the show. He totally should have won the season he was on.

Anyway, we stopped the by the restaurant in Atlanta. I remembered asking myself on the way over, "I wonder if he will be there?" I didn't figure so, it was like 11am on a Wednesday. But guess who was sitting in a booth right behind us? Oh yeah, Richard Blais.

So we ate our Flip Burger with Cheese (muy bien) and drank my Nutella & Toasted Marshmallow Milk Shake (que bueno). The fried pickles were absolutely awesome. I debated whether I should say hi to him. I really did not want to be "that guy". You know the one who walks up and bothers people they think they know because they saw them on TV. But then I thought, "he's like my favorite TV chef."

So I went up to him to say "hey". I expected we would do nothing more than exchange greetings: I would say "Hey . . . I'm a fan", he would say ". . . awesome . . ." and we would all move on. But he actually started asking me questions like where I was from and how often did I come to Atlanta, and did I know they were opening a Flip in Nashville. I wasn't expecting him to be so nice and congenial. I mean he was like that on TV but I didn't expect it. I'm not even sure what I said to him. I probably mumbled something awkward shook his hand and walked away.

If you're in the ATL hit up Flip (and try the Krispy Kreme milk shake - I almost did). If you see Richard, tell him Mike sent ya. We're basically best friends now.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Another u2 concert pic

2009-10-09T22:16:00.001-04:00

I know, I know . . . enough is enough.

but it is cool . . . : )

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

One More u2 in ATL post

2009-10-08T19:48:00.002-04:00

Yes... I know. Everyone within a 5 hour driving radius of Atlanta was either at the u2 concert, or knew some who was. And you've undoubtedly heard someone talking, twittering or facebooking about it.

But it was pretty amazing.

The concert was an intricately woven tapestry of musical art, pop culture, spirituality, social justice, nostalgia, whimsy and showmanship. Only Bono can pull off a show that is equally a call to social action, a prayer for divine intimacy and still dance with a stranger on stage and wear a jacket that lights up.

Truly an experience.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Lutherans

2009-10-05T16:48:00.002-04:00

Talking to my friend Cameron via email today.
Me: Why is this guy so negative?
Friend: He’s a Lutheran… he gets all the guilt of Catholicism without the 3^rd party absolution. (rim shot)
This reminded me of a class I took at seminary where the local Lutheran pastor came in to speak to us. Trying to appeal to us “low church” folks, he said the Lutheran liturgy was “streamlined”. They didn’t have all of the “trappings” of Roman Catholic or Episcopal mass. He quickly realized that much of what we all valued from liturgical churches, had pretty much been removed from his church in an effort to appeal to a broader base. He tried to save himself by saying, “well…sometimes we still do that stuff.”

It was too late.

If you’re Lutheran, don’t get mad at me. My church (small "c") has its own problems.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Chattanooga Market

2009-10-04T19:49:00.002-04:00

We went to the Chattanooga Market today. Really cool place with local farmers, artists etc. Some really good food too. This bluegrass band (the New Brinkley Brothers) was playing while we ate lunch. Whenever you can combine bluegrass, Lupi's Pizza and funnel cake....I'm happy.

Posted via email from mdmcmullin

Hendley Family Dedication

2009-10-04T10:26:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Kathy and Pete Hendley (my sister and her husband) celebrated the finalization of the adoption of their two children. I had the honor of performing a dedication ceremony and prayer for Phoebe and Seth and a blessing on their family. It was a great day. Several of their friends were there to celebrate with them.

This adoption process has been a long road for them and I know they're glad that part of the journey is over. Phoebe and Seth are very sweet kids and they all make a nice family.

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

measuring change

2009-10-02T19:13:00.002-04:00

Thought provoking quote:

"You measure change, not by behaviors altered in the first generation,
but by what the next generation takes as a given."

(from Futurist Guy via Tall Skinny Kiwi)

So the effect change has on us in the present may not be as important, but rather the effects on our children and the things they assume. Attitudes about technology, race and religion come to mind. My son will never have known a time when we didn't have TiVo, a non-white president, or electric guitar during worship music. How he reacts to things in the future will be very different than myself. He is working from a different context.

Think of the things that you take as a given, that your parents did not.

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

anyone . . . anyone?

2009-10-01T21:31:00.002-04:00

does anyone else use posterous? i'm curious how useful others find it. i'm giving it a try.
...fingers crossed...

Posted via web from mdmcmullin

Forgiveness

2009-09-29T20:17:00.001-04:00

Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life's important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.

-Fred Rogers ("Mr. Rogers")

Fear and Wonder

2009-09-28T22:02:00.000-04:00

Today i saw this quote from Socrates:

"the beginning of wisdom is wonder"

It reminded me of this quote from Proverbs 9.10:

"the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom"

I imagine some might see a contradiction between these two quotations. For some reason today, they made perfect sense to me.

There is a connection between fear and wonder. I have also heard it said that "we worship what we fear." While you may say you worship God, if you fear not having money then you begin to worship it, become a slave to it, you are consumed by it. This is true of a relationship when you fear loneliness or "success" when you fear failure.

Fear contains with it a curiosity and sense of intrigue. "Like moths to the flame" comes to mind . We are drawn to figure out things we don't understand. It is a part of our nature to love mystery and seek out new adventure, "to boldly go where no one has gone before."(throwing a lot of expressions out there I know)

To fear the Lord is not to cower in some fetal position never daring to move, paralyzed by our terror. Certainly, there are moments when we experience God is in his glory and we are unable to move. But typically, to fear the Lord is to become mesmerized by his mystery. It is to both revere and become fascinated with who he is. As we begin to experience the divine, we are filled with awe and wonder.

This fear and wonder compel us to explore and begin a journey of faith to discover who this God is. He has birthed in us an insatiable desire to know, to feel and to discover. It is upon this journey of discovery, that we meet and experience life and relationships. And through this journey and experience we grow in wisdom.

Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes of the Evangelical church is that she has taken away fear and wonder. Everything is simple and safe. There are answers to all the questions. Everything is normal. There is no need to discover anything for your self. Adventure ended long ago, feel free to read about it, but there's no need to experience it. If you do choose to wonder or choose to wander, at best it is seen as impolite and at worse, a lack of faith. But I say that simple and safe require no faith. There is no fear of God nor is their wonder about his heart. . .

. . . and there is no wisdom to be gained.

For those who do choose to venture out and wander. There will not be many guides to help you. There will be times when the wind blows and you can't tell where it is coming from or where it is going. So it is with those who are born of the Spirit . . . born of the fear of the Lord and of wonder.

Non Sequitur

2009-09-24T21:16:00.000-04:00

Non Sequitur is a Latin term that basically means "does not follow". It's used when someone's line of reasoning does not follow the trajectory already set. In other words, someone's conclusions make no sense based on the previous statements. Some are obvious. "My uncle loves jelly . . . I think I'll go see a movie." While we see more subtle versions on TV, "If you don't buy this brand of Peanut Butter . . . you are neglecting your family." There is not a clear logical correlation between movies and jelly (unless I suppose the movie is about jelly or your uncle). One can also not make such a certain statement about neglecting one's family based solely on their brand of peanut butter. Sometimes the non sequitur can be funny. The illogical statement is so absurd and unexpected that it makes you laugh.

Prejudice loves the non sequitur argument. "This (insert ethnicity/religion) did something terrible . . . all of them must be bad." Stereotypes are often a sweeping conclusion based on an unrelated premise. "I lost my job, it must be the fault of those (insert racial slur)."

Non Sequitur arguments get used a lot in politics. We sometimes call it "spin." Pundits find ways to get their message out and draw conclusions that lack any rational thinking whatsoever. "My child cannot watch a video about setting goals and achieving in school because the president wants nationalized healthcare." What? "If you voted for (insert candidate) then you don't love God." Really?

Last year when gas prices were absolutely ridiculous, one city decided to save money by cutting the electric shuttle lines. I thought I had heard it incorrectly. This non sequitur includes a heavy dose of stupid.

And of course the church has it's share of non sequitur logic (you knew I was going there). "Money and fame and success aren't important to us . . . now sit back and enjoy the intelligent lighting, smoke machines and coffee bar while our pastor talks about his latest best seller via satellite on our new jumbo-tron." I'm not even exaggerating. There is an incredible disconnect between what we say and what we do. We are caught in the spin my friends. We will do and say anything to achieve success. . . we're not even called to "success". We're called to love God with everything and then love the people that no one else wants.

How does the church show that love? By ignoring the poor in their neighborhood, by spending massive amounts of money on gadgets while their members can't afford to go to the doctor or buy shoes, by suing former staff members, vowing to ruin their lives and by refusing to love people who may not "contribute" to the church.

Non sequitur - it does not follow.

faith - hope - love . . . greed - control - selfishness

the hat

2009-09-17T20:44:00.007-04:00

Feel free to add your own haiku inspired by this memorable picture.
Thanks again for the inspiration.

looking back it's clear
his boyish nature and charm
are what stole her heart

he bought her a hat
she was a moth to the flame
what a lucky girl

Adoption Home Study Finished

2009-09-14T20:24:00.003-04:00

Most realize, we are in the process to adopt a little girl from the Philippines. After many forms, interviews and more forms . . . we have finished the home study for our adoption. We now must submit paperwork to the U.S. Immigration Office. Check out our adoption journey blog to find out more about why decided to adopt again.

Once the immigration paperwork is approved, we will send our dossier to the Philippines. The Inter-Country Adoption Board there will make a match for us. We will send another round of forms to immigration and then take a trip to the Philippines to meet our little girl.

We are trusting God for the funding. Once the Home Study is approved by the agency we can begin applying for grants to help cover some of the costs. The most expensive part starts once we are matched and need to travel (plane tickets are crazy). We have a place on the adoption blog to make a donation through Paypal (for those who feel lead to do so).

We are getting excited now that we have completed this first step. Now comes a lot of waiting. Waiting for immigration, waiting for a match, waiting for the money to take the trip. I was talking to Sam about it the other day and he was like "yeah when are we going to do that?" Our hope is that by next Spring/early Summer we will be flying to the Philippines and adding to our family.

If you wouldn't mind, say a simple prayer for us. Ask for God to help us as we prepare for a new child and for wisdom and favor as we fill out the applications for the various grants.

No More PC

2009-09-11T21:13:00.002-04:00

Most who know me, know that I am a Mac guy (i.e. Apple Computers). I believe Bill Gates is the Whore of Babylon riding the beast of Microsoft into Apocalyptic world domination. Don't argue with me about it. Just trust me.

I bought a Powerbook G4 several years ago (2003) and prefer to use it over the brand new Dell I have at the office. We've had to use an old PC as basically a slave to run the internet and wireless router. . . until today.

My plan was to buy a new Powerbook and use the old one to run the router, printer etc. It's not really in the budget right now. I found out last week that our PC slave is RIDDLED with viruses, worms, trojans and swine flu. It was rendered basically useless even for the menial task we had assigned it.

Inspiration hit. . . I found an eMac on eBay for $109 (plus $49 shipping). It's actually a little faster than my Powerbook and has OSX 10.4 (I've been using 10.3). It arrived in the mail. We cleaned it up a bit and . . . boom. I'm blogging on it right now.

I love it. And for $159 it is a great solution to our problem. I will be trashing the PC carcass tomorrow unless someone knows of a better way to dispose of/recycle it.

Come, Thy Fount of Every Blessing

2009-09-06T20:41:00.005-04:00

We sang this song this morning during worship and I absolutely loved it (especially the the verse with emphasis). I love hearing old hymns done to contemporary music. Many hymns seem to have a real depth that some newer songs do not.

Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing

Robert Robinson, wrote this while a Methodist minister in 1757; the song appeared in his A Collection of Hymns Used by the Church of Christ in Angel Alley, Bishopgate, 1759.

Come, Thou Fount of every blessing,
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise.
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I’m fixed upon it,
Mount of Thy redeeming love.

Sorrowing I shall be in spirit,
Till released from flesh and sin,
Yet from what I do inherit,
Here Thy praises I’ll begin;
Here I raise my Ebenezer*;
Here by Thy great help I’ve come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.

Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood;
How His kindness yet pursues me
Mortal tongue can never tell,
Clothed in flesh, till death shall loose me
I cannot proclaim it well.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I’m constrained to be!
Let Thy goodness, like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

O that day when freed from sinning,
I shall see Thy lovely face;
Clothed then in blood washed linen
How I’ll sing Thy sovereign grace;
Come, my Lord, no longer tarry,
Take my ransomed soul away;
Send thine angels now to carry
Me to realms of endless day.

* Ebenezer means "God has led us thus far" or "Thus far God has helped us" according to 1 Samuel 7:12

drama

2009-09-05T17:36:00.003-04:00

i really hate drama. i don't mean the genre of movie or film. that's ok (depending on the example). i mean the turbulent and highly emotional episode in which the amount of energy and conflict far surpass what the actual episode deserves. i generally seek to avoid it. i don't like conflict either. occasionally i will not back down from conflict (depending on the example) whereas i typically avoid drama whenever i can.

it might actually be a personality flaw. some people desire drama. they crave crisis and seek it out. sometimes people even borrow someone else's drama if there is not enough of it in their own life. when i see it, i generally head the other way.

i think my problem with drama comes down to two areas:

1 - i hate it when people are unhappy or disappointed with me. this is sometimes unavoidable. when i know i have unresolved issues with a person, it really bothers me and i feel like i can't relax until they are resolved. "drama" is not rational and so at some point, someone will be upset with me, either because i disagree with their reasons for freaking out or because i avoid getting involved with it.

2 - i think i'm not sure how to respond when someone is freaking out or melting down in front of me. i'm generally very laid back and easy going (phlegmatic). sometimes people recruit me to get involved with their drama because i generally counter the over-emotional crying/yelling with the opposite. i just don't react because i'm astounded at what i'm seeing/hearing.

i'm sure i have had my moments of melodrama. i'm sure there are times when i freaked out about something that was no big deal. but generally, i just don't want to mess with it.

Just in case

2009-08-22T12:59:00.002-04:00

registration

2009-08-21T19:29:00.004-04:00

today we finished the last day of registration at the university . . . kind of.

basically, 4,000 students come through one building to choose classes, sign up for meal plans, apply financial aid and pay the bill for the upcoming semester. they could have done it online last spring or during the summer and avoided waiting in long lines but for reasons unknown to me . . . they didn't.

it is a stressful week. at times it is comical. at times very frustrating. and at times i have no idea why i don't just get up and walk away from it. okay, i do have an idea, it's called money and thanks to the debt i picked up while i was in school, it is my master.

i'm used to working with large crowds under high stress conditions. for years i worked at the fireworks supermarket in cleveland that saw literally thousands of customers a day. the difference is that in fireworks there is the build up and then BANG it's over (pun intended). in registration, the bang comes first and it keeps banging until christmas. we will have students register all semester long. just last week we were registering students for classes they sat in last spring. they just never bothered to come register.

until the university actually decides to uphold it's deadlines and rules, it will never . . . never . . . end. as we say in records, "Welcome to Lee University, where every student is an exception".

i'm glad today was the end of "registration". i can't say i'm looking forward to what comes next. it is relentless and the number of weird stories about why someone needs their schedule changed or why they should be allowed to do some weird exception will be both mind numbing and staggering. i will be yelled at by students and their parents. i will be told i am incompetent, i will be told that my job is in danger after they get finished talked to the president. i will be condescended and talked down to, heckled and sneered at. a few students will thank me, some will laugh at my attempts at humor. most will just be upset that i made them get permission from their advisor (including the advisors).

the next 3 months will be a blur and in december i will stop and take a breath.

i heard one professor say that the records/registrar's office is kind of like the university's version of the DMV. he was probably right.

New Socks

2009-08-19T19:49:00.003-04:00

Everyone loves putting on a new pair of socks (at least I do). There's just something about a brand new, right out of the package, pair of white athletic socks (tube, crew, ankle length, it makes no difference).

The other day I'm looking at a bag of new socks that I have. I often keep some new socks that I save for a special occasion. I break them out to wear when I have something exciting that day or maybe just want a pick me up. (Don't judge me . . . you have your own weird things)

I noticed that the sock bag was resealable. As in, it's a giant ziplock bag for socks. Despite my affection for new socks, I still felt like maybe I'm missing something. Some questions that arose:

1 - Do socks need to be kept in an airtight bag? I mean do they lose "freshness"?
2 - Are there people who are weirder than me about their socks who actually reseal them?
3 - Are the resealable bags meant to be used for other things once the socks are no longer new?
4 - Is this ziplock a sort of "carrying case" or "travel bag" for socks?
5 - Who at Hanes decided it was necessary to spend the extra money on ziplocks?
6 - Was there a public outcry for a resealable option?

I've thought about it . . . and I've decided not to reseal my socks. That's right . . . I will not be taking advantage of the ziplock system that came with my socks. I think they are just fine in a ripped open bag in my sock drawer. You do what you want.

Pleaser

2009-08-09T15:50:00.001-04:00

“For as long as you can remember, you have been a pleaser, depending on others to give you an identity. You need not look at that only in a negative way. You wanted to give your heart to others, and you did so quickly and easily. But now you are being asked to let go of all these self-made props and trust that God is enough for you. You must stop being a pleaser and reclaim your identity as a free self.”

- Henri Nouwen

yellow man

2009-08-08T09:44:00.002-04:00

I've been thinking about this one for quite some time. It had me speechless. It seemed any words used to describe or give honor to this portrait were simply not enough. I have attempted something but feel it still does not give appropriate tribute.

I welcome all submissions. (check out the source here)

yellow man with comb
your glorious pony tail
it demands our stare

that devilish grin
smile of ambiguity
you revel in it

beginnings

2009-08-06T20:42:00.004-04:00

beginnings are often subtle.

it is not always easy to realize when it is the end of one season and the beginning of another. usually we look back and say, "that's when it all began." sometimes we resist the beginning of the next and other times we long for it to come. times overlap like the links in a chain. even if we recognize the beginning of the next, there are still remnants of the past.

i think the times of transition are the most difficult.
when is it time to let go and take hold?
when does the beginning actually begin?

i am reminded of Moses' transition from desert dweller to national leader. when did he actually embrace being God's agent of deliverance? did it begin at the burning bush? was it the moment he entered pharoah's court? maybe it wasn't until he parted the red sea? it doesn't seem clear to me. maybe it wasn't to Moses either.

even the creation story. while it starts with 'in the beginning' we see that creation actually took some time. the light and the sea did not begin at the same time. the plants and animals and adam did not show up on the same day. did the world begin with verse 1 or was it when God was finished and said 'it is good'? then we can debate if each 'day' was a literal 24 hour period or a more hebrew understanding of 7 days or period of time. did the beginning happen in 144-172 hours or was 144-172 billion years? and is the beginning marked by the dawn of humanity? or by the voice that spoke it into existence?

how long was the beginning?

how long IS the beginning?

how long until we look back and say, "oh . . . that was it right there . . . " ? sometimes we don't get to enjoy the transition times, the overlapping of the seasons, because we are too busy holding on to what is slipping away or maybe too preoccupied with what may be coming. Past/Future fear/hope nostalgia/dread.

i think i'm ready for the beginning, of course it may have already happened.

fear

2009-08-03T20:09:00.002-04:00

I don't consider myself a fearful person.

There are times when I can consider the worse. I think about death in a matter of fact way. I do tend to foresee problems that may potentially arise. I don't think of myself as someone who is fearful, and I don't deal with anxiety or any irrational phobias. But over the past few days I keep hearing thoughts, ideas and statements about fear.

1 - I've been thinking over I John 4.18 "perfect love casts out all fear" - it's not often we hear a link between "love" and "fear". How is it that love is able to remove fear? Is it the aspects of love that are patient and kind et al (I Cor 13-4-6)? Is it the reassurance of love that makes us feel safe? Is it the relationship with the one who loves us perfectly, that removes any chance of fear? How many times were the disciples afraid until Jesus showed up or spoke up?

2 - I was in a church service where the worship leader stopped in the middle of the song. She mentioned that she had just finished reading "the Shack" (I haven't read it so don't blast me with "love it" or "hate it" comments). She mentioned that one of her favorite lines/moments in the book is when God tells the man, "the reason you fear is because you do not believe". It hit me like a brick. Fear is not just some irrational phobia. Doubt is a part of fear. It is linked with belief, trust and faith. We doubt because we don't believe hope is coming.

I am reminded of Thomas (my patron saint if I had one), "unless I can see or feel it myself, I'm not buying it". His fear (doubt) came out of his belief (or the lack thereof). Building upon 1 John 4.18, we fear because we do not trust that relationship. We don't believe that God can really hold up or WILL hold up his end of the bargain.

3 - I'm driving back from Dalton last night jamming on the iPod. I click on some Jason Upton. The first song I play, ". . . in your presence, all fear is gone . . . in your presence, is where I belong . . . ." I finally said, 'ok God, I have a hard time believing when everything I see points to something different'. Apparently, I'm dealing with some fear (of the doubt variety). Rational and analytical thinking were allowed to take over for a bit. I'm giving in. What is it you really want to say to me?

In the presence of God, fear is removed because his perfect love surrounds and fills all the spaces in our minds that doubt or fear would have taken up. When we submit to being surrounded by God, there is no room for anything else. He really is Emmanuel, God who is with us.

peanut butter

2009-07-26T23:40:00.003-04:00

I really love peanut butter. I can eat it every day. My new thing right now is eating peanut butter on a toasted bagel. I could eat peanut butter just by itself on a spoon. I like peanut butter for breakfast. And of course there's peanut butter and jelly . . . oh yeah!

www.peanutbutterlovers.com
peanut butter: wikipedia
Jif Peanut Butter (my personal favorite)

I really want to like baseball

2009-07-22T17:51:00.002-04:00

I had really hoped to watch and follow baseball this season. I don't know what happened. . . I just haven't. I didn't even watch the All-Star game. I knew it was coming on and had no interest in watching it whatsoever.

What's wrong with me?

Or the better question: what's wrong with baseball?

I went to a minor league baseball game while on vacation (the Toledo Mudhens). It was a lot of fun but I was ready to go by the 7th inning. I enjoyed being with the fans and cheering and watching them score runs. But watching a game in person is different than watching it on TV.

Baseball can be boring.

If I happen to watch a game (I did watch the Mets and Braves) I usually have it on in the background while I'm doing something else. You don't really have to pay attention to a baseball game. when something good happens, everyone yells and then they show the instant replay. This is coming from the guy who likes to watch soccer where they may only score once in a 90 minute game. I find soccer interesting, it's active, people are doing stuff.

I'm not sure what baseball can do. They really aren't going to make any changes drastic enough to keep it interesting because of the 100 yrs of statistics.

Maybe I'll watch the playoffs.

he loved them to the end

2009-07-15T21:33:00.003-04:00

At the beginning of John 13, the write of the fourth gospel says, "...knowing that His hour had come that He would depart out of this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end." That phrase "he loved them to the end" has been stuck with me for the past few days. For a moment the writer jumps to the future or how else would he have known that Jesus would love them to the end of the story. As Jesus, was eating and talking with his friends at that famous last supper, he knew all that was about to happen. He knew where each of their lives would take them and he loved them to the end.

One strong message John 13 seems to be that we are to imitate Jesus in his love. He tells us later in the chapter that this is how the world will know that we belong to him, if we love one another. We are to do the things that Jesus did. And it struck me that includes "loving to the end". Except, we don't know the end.

I know those of us "fully-churched" have heard the line, usually shouted, "...but I've read the end of the book..." And that's fine, we can all read the "end of the book" and agree God wins...ok. But we don't know our future. We don't know how the journey to the end will look for us, yet we are called to love into that end.

I heard a podcast on David and Goliath. The speaker raised an interesting point that David didn't really know exactly what was going to happen when he walked into that valley to meet Goliath. For all he knew, it was the end. He didn't know his psalms would be published or that his likeness would be made immortal on flannel boards in Sunday School rooms all over America. I mean he had an idea, he did take his slingshot with him. But he walked into that valley not knowing for sure he would come out a hero. He was prepared to love God to the end whether it happened at the hand of Goliath or some future time.

This reminds me also of the story about the 3 Hebrew boys thrown into the furnace. They make a bold proclamation that I can total get behind, "God will save us . . . . but if he doesn't. . . ." They were not sure of the end. Again they didn't know they were becoming Sunday School legends. They were just prepared to love God to the end, whatever that meant.

Back to us. Are we prepared to love him to the end if we find out that "the end" isn't so good? If we find out that our story didn't end with heroics and some great climactic fight scene where everything ends wrapped up in a nice bow, would it change anything about our spirituality? I'm under the impression that a lot of people sign up for Christianity because of the great sales pitch we give. We lay out all the good stuff and tell all the stories with the happy endings and people sign up for a "better life now." But are we setting them up to be unfaithful? When their life doesn't turn around like a movie, will they love "to the end"? Or will they feel like they've been lied to and then feel justified to break a false contract? Are we creating selfish Christians who get upset because their lives don't end up like the movie and Bible study their church is going through?

Before you think I'm being too cynical, I believe in love. I believe that the love Jesus has for us is far deeper than anything we can imagine. His love transforms us fully. The Spirit "abides" with us and keeps us to the end. But that keeping may mean that we must suffer on the earth. It may mean that for some of us our lives become incredibly better with stuff like houses and cars and polo shirts and new jobs and renewed marriages and ______ (fill in the blank). But sometimes it might mean suffering and hunger and mourning and loss and death.

A preacher that I love, Anthony Wynn, once said something like, "I never shouted my way to the next thing God had for me." He talks about a journey of crying out to God and wondering why everyone else didn't have to go through what he was going through. But I believe this process is what prepares us to meet Goliath or the fiery furnace or the unfulfilling job or the terrible tragedy that we don't deserve. We are prepared for them not knowing if they will end nicely. And sometimes we are prepared knowing they will NOT.

Jesus understood where his journey would take him. He didn't avoid it. He loved them to the end. And it was that love that compelled him to the end. Oh that we would be filled and overflowing with that kind of love.

Summer Vacation 2009

2009-07-07T21:08:00.003-04:00

We just got back from our vacation. We visited family and did some sightseeing. Instead of showing you pictures or writing too much about our last week, I've made a map of our vacation complete with a few little notes. If you have nothing else to do, you might as well check it out.

Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T20:31:00.003-04:00

Michael Joseph Jackson
the King of Pop

(August 29, 1958 – June 25, 2009)

The Violence of Love

2009-06-22T19:07:00.004-04:00

Yesterday, I watched a movie entitle, Romero. It is about Oscar Romero who was the Archbishop of El Salvador from 1977 until his assassination in 1980. It was recommended to me by a friend who has spent many years as a missionary in Central America (Rick Waldrop). I can't believe I have not heard more about this man.

Romero is often associated with Latin American Liberation Theology, and after watching the movie and then being compelled to do a little research into his life and writings, it's hard not to be inspired by this man and his love for his people. it is also an example of how the church should not be sidled up to a government or political party. You can't help but become both angry and embarrassed as you watch the movie and learn that it was a U.S. backed Salvadoran government that assassinated these priests and killed tens of thousands of it's citizens. Because the church would not support a capitalism that oppressed the poor to lift the rich the government concluded it therefore must be "communist". It is definitely a violent movie but I definitely recommend it. A quote that I found especially moving today from Oscar Romero:

"The violence we preach is not the violence of the sword, the violence of hatred. It is the violence of love, of brotherhood, the violence that wills to beat weapons into sickles for work" (from Violence of Love a compilation of some of Romero's writings and sermons)

The Far Side

2009-06-20T20:01:00.002-04:00

The Far Side

in transition

2009-06-12T10:14:00.001-04:00

this blog is in transition.

it won't be anything too drastic, but it will make me feel better. . .

. . . stay tuned

Why do I go to Walmart?

2009-06-09T18:24:00.003-04:00

This is the question I ask myself usually right after visiting Walmart.

Today I needed a few things for the office, not much. After finding a good parking spot (this can be a real headache at times), I entered "the Walmart." Note that even though Cleveland has 2 walmarts, in the south, no matter how many your city has, it is known as "the walmart" just like "the McDonalds" (read MAC donalds).

I was also struck by the irony that I had to greet the greeter. He was not saying anything without being prompted. Although he looked relieved that I broken his long silence. As I walked through the grocery side of the store, I observed how every worker I saw, had been drained of life. It was as if once they put on that blue vest and smiley face button, their souls have given up hope and left them.

We needed sugar. As I entered the baking supplies aisle, there was no sugar. That's right. Unless you wanted powdered sugar, splenda with extra carcinogens or the 50lb bag of sugar, there was nothing. Apparently, there is a sugar farmers' strike or some type of bake-a-thon that I am not aware of.

Next stop, soft drinks. It was in this aisle that I got to hear a discussion from a loving mother to her gentle daughter about her "#*$!% boyfriend comin' over every #%!#* night . . . you wanna get pregnant again?!" It was a Hallmark special waiting to happen. I could see Joe Pesci playing the mother.

The checkout was my favorite part. The poor lady behind the cash register was spent. She had nothing left in the charisma tank. Her lifeless eyes stared beyond into what? I don't know. She never actually looked at me, just through me. The first time she told me the total I didn't know she was talking to me. Her voice was tired and frail yet resembled a robot that could not stray from the script. I left the checkout line with deep questions like: 1) whether I had just perpetuated that woman's hollow existence by feeding the monster that had eaten her soul and 2) whether that woman had thought about Walmart cashier on career day in 3rd grade. I think the answer to both questions is a resounding "yes."

Why do I go to Walmart? It's cheap and there's a pretty good chance that they have what you want (unless it sugar or peace of mind). They also have good chicken fingers and potato wedges in the deli.

Poverty

2009-05-31T23:04:00.003-04:00

Poverty

There's a power in poverty that breaks principalities
And brings the authorities down to their knees

There's a brewing frustration and ageless temptation
To fight for control by some manipulation

But the God of the kingdoms and the God of the nations
The God of creation sends his revelation
Through the homeless and penniless Jesus the son
The poor will inherit the Kingdom to come

Where will we turn when our world falls apart
And all of the treasures we've stored in our barns
Can't buy the Kingdom of God?

Who will we praise when we've praised all our lives
Men who build kingdoms and men who build fame

What will we fear when all that remains
Is God on His throne, with a child in his arms,
And love in his eyes
And the sound of his heart cries

-Jason Upton-

May is over?

2009-05-31T22:39:00.002-04:00

I can't believe this month is gone. Here are some highlights:

1 - the Spring semester at Lee is over
2 - Saw the Star Trek Movie (pretty good)
3 - Angeline spent 2 weeks in the Philippines (more to come on that)
4 - My parents came to stay with me while she was gone
5 - My Dad and I built a bed
6 - Worked 2 jobs for a week
7 - Dreamed of New York again
8 - Got to go to O'Charley's (Angeline won't let us)
9 - Found some cool pictures of my Grandpa online
10 - Saw 'UP' and ate at P.F. Chang's (lettuce wraps . . . mmmm)

This month has flown by.

5 Ways to Misery

2009-05-24T12:47:00.001-04:00

I enjoyed this and thought I would share.

Exhausted

2009-05-14T20:10:00.004-04:00

The last 2 weeks have been very busy and exhausting.
I long for normality and sleeping in on Saturday.

The next week should be just as "fun".
So much for a "relaxing summer".
:)

Coming soon:

A Review of Star Trek
Info about Angeline's trip to the Philippines
My Life as a Single Parent (at least for 2 weeks)

A quote to leave you with:

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win,
you're still a rat.

-Lilly Tomlin-